Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


The effect of technology on the interaction between people


romasalah 3 / 6 2  
May 27, 2015   #1
This is an IELTS task 2 which I wrote today. Can anyone tell me what score i'll likely get for it? thanks in advance.

Q: Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology.
In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make?
Has this become a positive or negative development?


A: There is no doubt that in the recent years technology has contributed heavily in the shaping our world. One of the areas affected by technology is the social relationships. There is a constant debate about to what extent the technology has reshaped our relationships and whether this is a beneficial or harmful renovation. In my own prespective, there are both positive and negative developments and I will discuss them in detail.

Making life easier is the major concern of technological developments. In contrast to the history of mankind, doing ordinary activites was not any bit easier. For example, people can talk to each other even if they are hundreds of thousands miles apart. Even within the same residence, they can do a lot of enjoyable activities. Also, using today's technology, you can perform much more complicated tasks in a matter of seconds e.g. arithematic calculations and checking world news. Therefore, people now has more free time to connect with each other than before.

Unfortunately, making life easier does not imply necessarily making it happier and this has been the issue with recent technology. Some technological advances have already managed to make people more isolated even if this is not evident. Considering the huge amount of information you can learn from the internet, relying on people from our surroundings has decreased notably. This internet-dependence has resulted in a new form of virtual relationships between people which are usually short-term and may be even dangerous.

In conclusion, technology has definitely changed the way by which people interact with each other. I think that both positive effects such as connecting remote people and saving time as long as negative effects like creating virtual relationships and isolating people from their surroundings must be taken in consideration when we consider the actual impact of technology. It is recommended though that these effected will be studied comprehensively to accurately assess the value of technology in our lives.
Naph 9 / 17 6  
May 27, 2015   #2
hello

you should not use negative word such as "Unfortunately"
- In my own perspective ,..
- doing ordinary activities was not any bit ...
- Also, using today's technology, you can perform manymore complicated tasks in a matter of seconds e.g. arithmetic calculations and checking world news. Therefore, people now have more free time to connect with each other than before.

- It is recommended though that those effected will be studied....
keep writing
Naph
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Jun 10, 2015   #3
- A: There is no doubt that in the recent years, technology has contributed heavily in the shaping our world.

- I think that both positive effects such as connecting remote people and saving time ,as long asand negative effects like creating virtual relationships and isolating people from their surroundings must be taken in consideration, when we consider the actual impact of technology.

- It is recommended though that these effectedthat the effect will be studied comprehensively to accurately assess the value of technology in our lives.

Roma, I made a few minor corrections on your essay.
Overall, your essay is written well. However, mind the following;

- punctuation marks, your sentences tend to go on and on, leaving your readers breathless and not understanding the subject anymore, punctuation marks such as commas (,) can help you cut your sentences.

- proof read your essay before giving is a go

Keep writing

Cheers!!!


Home / Writing Feedback / The effect of technology on the interaction between people
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳