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IELTS: Is it the only effective way to reduce crime that increasing the number of police officers?


kantyjang 8 / 15  
Jul 19, 2016   #1
TOPIC:
Some people think that increasing the number of police officers on the street is the only effective way to reduce crime. Do you agree or disagree?


These days, the increasing crime rates in some rural areas worry many citizens. Some of them believe that the only effective way to deter potential criminals from committing crimes is that our government should organize more and more police officers on the street. I tend to disagree with that because there are various methods to reduce crime.

First of all, I acknowledge that increasing the number of police officers on the street is an effective way to stop some violent crime on the street. However, I do not think it would address the root causes of crime even though our government spends much more money on employing more and more policemen.

Therefore, I believe that to reduce the crime rates from the root, the most effective ways are developing economics and popularizing education. In some rural areas, many people are still in poverty and starvation so that they may want to survival by committing crimes like robbery or thieving. Furthermore, the lower lever of education makes them do not acquire much legal knowledge to be a law-abiding citizen or a responsible worker.

In addition, I suggest that improving our judicial system and punishment mechanism are also significant to reduce crime. Some large-scale crimes and high crimes, which damage our society severely invisibly, still could not be brought to justice because of the defect of judicial system. Moreover, improper punishment mechanism contributes to people with a criminal record are treaded unfairly and lead to resentment. As a result, they are likely to re-offend perhaps.

Overall, for the reasons mentioned above, in my opinion, there is definitely not only one way we can do to reduce the crime rates. Our government should put more efforts in and spend more funds on economic and educational development to cope with the increasing crime rates fundamentally, and make further efforts to judicial system and punishment mechanism. What's more, it is essential that the increasing number of policemen could provide people with a sense of security.

Lansium 4 / 9 2  
Jul 19, 2016   #2
Hi Kantijiang,

You have done a good job in this essay. It is almost flawless. I point out a few mistakes I found and offer you a piece of advice. You may see them below.

1. ... officers on the street is an effective way to stop some violent crime (crimes) on the street . (It is better for you to avoid the repitition of the same phrase to make your sentence brief.)

2. I don't konw whether it is OK to use the word "root" to refer to the main reasons of committing crimes, but I think "essence" can be more accurate.

3. the most effective ways are developing economics and popularizing education (It seems better by replacing this phrase by "improving citizens' level of education")

4. many people are still in poverty and starvation so that they may want to survival (survive) by committing crimes like robbery or thieving (thievery)

5. In addition, I suggest that improving our judicial system and punishment mechanism are also significant to reduce crime . (I suggest that government should improve our judicial system and punishment mechanism as they both are significant to reduce crime)


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