Topic: Paying more money is the only possible motivation to make employees work harder and to increase their productivity. Do you agree? Give reasons and include relevant examples.
Nowadays, many companies are seeking for various ways to encourage their employees to work harder and increase the output. Some people think that the only possible solution is to give the workers more bonuses. However, in my opinion, I disagree with this idea and believe that there are a number of more effective ways to motivate employees.
One of the possible solutions is to praise and say encouraging words to workers who perform well on their jobs. If this is done, those who have already given satisfied results for their jobs will feel more confident and put all their effort in their next work task. In addition, many other employees in the company will feel more challenging and work harder in order to perform well as their colleagues.
Another effective way is to reduce working hours of employees. In fact, most people are under pressure and stressed due to long working hours, which causes their productivity to decline. It is strongly believed that workers will work harder to increase their work output if they have sufficient time to relax and less stress.
The last, but not the least solution is to create a strong bond within a company. Generally, unity is regarded as an extremely important factor if a group of people want to achieve something. Furthermore, people seem to work harder and do better in a peaceful working atmosphere and there is no argument between staff or with the employer.
Taking everything into account, there are many effective motivations to make employe.es concentrate more on their jobs and do better in their work. If all these solutions are put into action, I feel certain that the result will be satisfactory.
All comments will be appreciated. Thanks in advance.
Hi buddy,
You have written a very good essay I feel. However, you can also write about the negative aspect of depending only on money as the sole motivational factor. Plus, self-recognition, allocation of right job to the right person , division of labour, etc.
However, overall the essay is written in a very good way. Maybe you can write an example too to clarify your points.
Good luck and cheers!!!!
Let me point out where you are lacking and suggest few changes.
I'd say your essay is fair, but it suffers seriously from
1. Lack of topic development
The prompt asks you to include bothreasons and examples .
Topic: Paying more money is the only possible motivation to make employees work harder and to increase their productivity. Do you agree? Give reasons and include relevant examples.
You failed to include relevant examples. You may not realize it, but this is a serious problem.
This shows that you did not or failed to fully develop your arguments.
You can't get a good score unless you can come up with solid examples.
Go from general to specific.
In other words, premise -> supporting sentences, details, etc.... -> examples
Btw, I don't think it's a good idea to repeat too many hypothetical 'if's. It's not specific at all.
I think that is why you failed to develop your arguments.
2. Lack of proper topic sentences
You seriously need to find a way to formulate your topic sentences properly. Reformulate your TSs.
Thank you Jason for your comment. I'll try to improve my essay.
