Hello, I am from Thailand
let's help me,please!!
I failed my exam about writing Essay, can someone help me check the structure and grammar.
Thank you very much
Corruption is the chronic problems on the top of the world that is happening with every country. This matter mostly comes from politicians and officers who do not know the word 'enough' in their livelihood. These people cheat another for their benefits without ethics.
The first effect of corruption is that it damage the country, there is no growth and develop as it should because the use of the budget money and resources the project other that is quality goal life people is not appropriate. for example, the roads which are built for not less than a year must be rebuilt because to use material low quality.
Population not have confidence and reduce the capabilities of the government agency because the government lack of the righteous such as politicians and officers take the money under the table from merchants who benefit seekers.
Make a young forest and people have values of life the wealth of success the cheat so that their benefits. for example, to cheat the exam that thinks it is normal that anyone can do. Make the people not have the moral ethics. To take advantage of others do not respect the rules so, development of people, community and country are so hard for that join or competitive with the other country.
Now, corruption that is one of the people who seek the benefits. Not only it happening the government but also happening with the community. We always see them anywhere from society it is happening a small group till biggest, and it is difficult to be edited.
Hi Rachel, I notice that you have already gotten a comprehensive feedback from one of EssayForum members. That was really good I think. However, I can see why did you failed your previous exam. I do agree with Yon in this case, lack of organization would badly damage the final grade of your essay. Before that, I would like to say that it is better if you give at least 1 space (1 enter) for each paragraph. This will ease the reader or examiner to read and check your essay. Furthermore, I have several suggestions about how to create an essay with good organization for you in order to help you improve your band score in IELTS writing. I hope you can follow through the feedback below:
Introduction paragraph:
1st sentence = Paraphrase the question by using your own words and synonyms.
2nd sentence = Create a thesis statement
3nd sentence = Outline your thesis statement by using some keywords or key-phrase(s)
Body paragraph 1:
1st sentence = Give one idea
2nd sentence = Give a reason WHY this idea is true
3rd sentence = Give an example of it
4th sentence = Say what the implications / effects of this examples are
5th sentence = Conclude the paragraph
Body paragraph 2:
1st sentence = Give one idea
2nd sentence = Give a reason WHY this idea is true
3rd sentence = Give an example of it
4th sentence = Say what the implications / effects of this examples are
5th sentence = Conclude the paragraph
Conclusion paragraph:
1st - 2nd sentence = summarize your main points or you can paraphrase your thesis statement (it can be more than 1 sentence)
3rd sentence = give fear of the future, suggestion, or recommendation.
There you have it Rachel, I hope you can gain some improvements by following my contributions above. Good luck for the next practice :)
Oh! I really Thank you very much
your suggest are the good things for me
I will try write again @ichanpants89
Hi Rachel, as I came across your essay, I immediately notice that you are not an English native speaker, but you know what, a lot of us are, the good news is, we never stop learning the language and get better everyday. Learning, especially, learning a language, is a process that takes a lot of effort, determination, time well spent and the spirit to be good at it. One practice that I do, which I know most of us will be hesitant at first, is to speak English as much as you can and read English literatures, reading is one great way to open your mind to discovering how words come together to form sentences and understanding it and its meaning will definitely help you get better at this craft.
Now, here's my thoughts on the first two paragraphs of your essay;
- Corruption is thea chronic problems
- on the top of the world that is happening within every country in the world today .
- This matterpractice mostly comes
- cheat another for their benefits without ethics- this phrase is not necessary .
- The first effect of corruption is that it damages the country, - use of the budget money and resources
- and the projects
- other that is quality goal life people isare not appropriate.
- F or example,
- not less than a year
- must be rebuiltneeds repair or maintenance
- because to usethe material used is of low quality.
There you have it Rachel, the above modifications as well as the ones previously written are great remarks that you should definitely converge, this should be able to help you create an even stronger essay and I will try to get back to you for the rest of the essay.
is happenin
I am so very thank you for your suggest.
your comment too advantage for me.
