We cannot build a dam around the rivers of industrial progress
Whoa! I first took this literally, and the sentence didn't make any sense. Now that I've read it again, I can see it's a metaphor -- a good one.
also are also unable to close your eyes to the effects of this raging river.
Many people say that the improvement of major industries all over the world has significantly boosted
As a result, the river disappeared among the canals of poor sewage management.
I didn't understand this. Is that another metaphor? That would be one too many.
Here you need a semicolon
Until one stormy day, it just came to life from hills attacking the roads;
since its flowing waters cannot be stopped, people suffered although no one was hurt.
What I am trying to imply is that we should find ways on how to balance both.
Therefore, even though industrial boom is a good thing, we should always be mindful of its effects so as not to be sorry in the end.
You introduced a new idea in the end. Don't do that. A conclusion should generally sum up the points made in the essay -- not introduce new ones.