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Effects of TV on positive or negative culture


rosita12 2 / 1  
Mar 2, 2018   #1
Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. To what extent would you say that television has positively or negatively affected the cultural development of your society?

Television has affected people's cultures in different countries. There are mixed views of this positively or negatively influence on cultures. Someone has positive idea about this effect and others have opposite idea.

Television can extend rich country cultures and custom. As wealthy countries have high level of economy and people's satisfaction, the big motivation exists to follow the cultures of these countries. So, television can help to extend some specific cultures in developed countries. Also, rich countries spend a lot of money on advertisement. High level of technology with luxuries equipments in modern countries encourage different people to follow these country cultures. For example, European tries to sell their products. So, by showing how much the routine house chores can be easy, people of poor countries can be affected by this products and follow this advertisement.

On the other hand, television should have wide range of programs to handle its financial support. The manger of television companies should provide programs for different culture and custom. If they want to have vast majority of audience, variety programs based on culture, custom, and religious should be paid attention. People not only get used to follow their cultures, but also do not like change them specially in the elderly age. So, different people can link with their own culture and keep it, which even is related to poor countries.

In conclusion, television can develop some developed country cultures and show the high level lifestyle of these countries. Therefore, people are motivated to follow these cultures. But, the television should provide different programs based on varieties cultures to have different audiences. By providing different programs, they have high level of grantee to be survived.

please give me totally pieces of advice and score for different criteria for ielts
sungin115 2 / 2  
Mar 2, 2018   #2
@rosita12

I think you need to improve grammar part in some paragraphs. In second paragraph, you need to keep the rules ' singular/ plural subject and verb agreement.'

Also, it must be an academic essay so need to be more concise and concrete. I feel like it's little bit wordy from Thesis. Keep it up!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4772  
Mar 8, 2018   #3
Rosita, the choice of discussion comes with the word "or" separating the two opinions. That word indicates that this is a single opinion, not a dual opinion discussion essay. That said, your total approach to the essay discussion is not correct. You decided to discuss both points of view in the essay rather than the more appropriate single point of view presentation. In fact, your personal opinion was warranted / required as part of the opening statement paraphrase, By not indicating a singular point of view for discussion, you will have points deducted from your TA score.

As a single opinion essay, there needs to be 3 strong reasons supporting it within your body of paragraphs. All Task 2 essays must have 5 paragraphs presented for maximum scoring consideration. Your 3 body paragraph should represent:

1. Supporting reason 1
2. Supporting reason 2
3. Example discussion

Your concluding paragraph is not representative of the correct discussion summary either. Therefore, it would not help you get a passing score for this test. This being your first time trying to write this sort of essay, I will not score you. However, I would like you to review the various discussion types required of the Task 2 essay and then, write a new essay accordingly. I can score you on that essay instead because you should already know the difference between an single opinion and multiple opinion essay presentation.


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