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The Effects of Using Cell phone in school


Rasam 1 / 4  
Jul 19, 2013   #1
The Effects of Using Cell phone in School

Using cell phone in school is the main cause for student's failure and also certain students will be invaded their privacy by other students. Students between the ages of 13-17 do not recognize to use cell phone with appropriate approach, so parents should prevent their children from using cell phone inside their school. When students use cell phone inside a class, it influences on them adversely because inside a class, they spend all their time in texting message to each other or watching videos instead of concentrating on teacher's lecture. In addition to that, they record videos and take photos for both teachers and students for negative purposes. Although cell phone is a useful device, a large number of students use it to harm other students and to be enjoyable instead of focusing on their studying

Cell phone is the main cause of distraction in class. During a lesson, students who use cell phone in class will get distracted and also they waste their time instead of understanding the lesson. Consequently, they will receive a low grade and get failure. Not only students who use their cell phones will get distracted, but also rest students in class will be influenced by students who use cell phones in class. Some students annoy other students by texting or sending message to them, so they cannot concentrate on teacher's lecture and get a low grade as well. Another factor can cause distraction in class is ringtone. When cell phone rings during a lesson, it usually interrupts teacher's ideas and makes him upset, and also waste part of class time. Using cell phone in class is not an appropriate concept and also it decreases the learning capacity for students

Though cell phone is a useful device, a huge number of students use it to invade both teachers and students privacy by recording videos or taking photos. Students are curious. Therefore, they would like to record videos or take photos to their teachers especially when they carry out adverse behaviors such as getting angry, saying bad words, or sleeping inside their class. Moreover, these students alter these videos by adding comments and post them in Facebook or YouTube. In this case, the teachers will lose their students' respect and also they will be frustrated because their privacy are invaded.

Finally, using cell phone has negative consequences on both teachers and students in class. Therefore, Parents should constrain their children from using their phones inside school so that concentrate on their education rather than spend their all time in texting message and invading other students privacy.

harsha138 2 / 3  
Jul 19, 2013   #2
Check your sentence formation.Your missing some words.
Few grammatical errors.
OP Rasam 1 / 4  
Jul 19, 2013   #3
it is my pleasure to see your comments, but i hope to clarify where are my grammatical errors ?
gmad06 20 / 151 55  
Jul 19, 2013   #4
Change your entire Introduction paragraph. You should talk about the existence of cellular phone.
How it ended up in school. Don't talk about the effects,these are your points for your body paragraphs.
Try to make three body paragraphs.Two for ideas on positive/negative effect and one for the opposite.
harsha138 2 / 3  
Jul 19, 2013   #5
well you should say
1.privacy is invaded.
2.so that they can concentrate on their education.
3.u should not say waste part of class time....the sentence formation is not seeming good due to this....the class time will be wasted.

And yes of course introduction is main.You have to talk about cell phones in 1st para and from then you should speak about the consequences.
OP Rasam 1 / 4  
Jul 19, 2013   #6
Hello harsha138 and gmad06.

I am extremely glad to see you and to see your comments as well and also i will take your comments into consideration.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jul 19, 2013   #7
Using cell phone in school is the main cause for student's failure and alsoprivacy of certain students will be invaded their privacy by other students.

Well... it's good to know the purpose of this writing... Is it for IELTS, TOEFL, GRE or just a classroom essay? If you tell the purpose we can provide you with feedbacks that are relevant to the particular task.

In any case, what we expect from the introduction is to have an idea about the topic. So, your first task is to introduce the topic. Then you express your opinion.
OP Rasam 1 / 4  
Jul 19, 2013   #8
Hello dumi,

I am so glad to see you, and also i am thankful for your precious comments.

actually the purpose of this essay is for classroom essay. However, i intend to register for IELTS test soon, so i want to improve my skills in essay to obtain a high grade.

I would appreciate your help.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jul 20, 2013   #9
actually the purpose of this essay is for classroom essay. However, i intend to register for IELTS test soon, so i want to improve my skills in essay to obtain a high grade.

... okkk.... then you better follow the IELTS structure from now onward because it can be applied to any classroom type of essay. Here's the one I generally suggest .... you can have additional body paras if you have time. Since IELTS and TOEFL tasks have a major bearing on time, I have limited the number of body paras to two.
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Jul 20, 2013   #10
Cell phone is the main cause of distraction in class. During a lesson, students who use cell phone in class will get distracted and also they waste their time instead of understanding the lesson. Consequently, they will receive a low grade and get failure. Not only students who use their cell phones will get distracted, but also rest students in class will be influenced by students who use cell phones in class.

.... it's the students who use the phone that get distracted, not the class. Express your ideas more direct and do not repeat the same idea in sentences;

In the classroom, cell phones distract students from concentrating on their lessons. This is a serious issue because when students miss out some important parts of a lesson, they may not be able to understand the full context of it. Finally they would end up with low grades or failure at the examinations.
ldlsky03 8 / 16 2  
Jul 20, 2013   #11
Using cell phone in school is the main cause for student's failure

=>> in school is probably the main cause for student's failure. You should use probably or possibly in this statement.
OP Rasam 1 / 4  
Jul 20, 2013   #12
Hello dumi, Pahan, and ldlsky03

I am very grateful for your attendance and giving me beneficial comments. I will endeavor to apply your instructions in my subsequent essay

Thank to all of you


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