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More efforts have to be applied on how to address unhealthy behaviour in children.


sir99 7 / 8 2  
Jan 28, 2016   #1
Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both of schools and parents are responsible for this problem. Do you agree or disagree?

More efforts have to be applied on how to address unhealthy behaviour in children. As it can be seen, unhealthy life can be overcome by several ways. While it is argued that schools and parents should be involved in tackling this problem, I believe that other stakeholders like media, health authorities, and government play a vital role in solving this bed behaviour.

It is argued that parents and teacher should have responsibility to tackle unhealthy lifestyle of children since they are the role model that always be followed by children. For example, in my local city, parents always urge their children in eating healthy food or meals, while in schools they are taught to throw rubbish in provided places. As a results, this leads children to get accustomed to maintain a healthy lifestyle. From this, more responsibility should be given to both parents and schools to monitor the kids' health behaviour.

However, this does not mean that other stakeholders should be neglected. Firstly, media have a great impact to persuade children's health lifestyle because they have enough spots or space. For example, mineral water and detergents advertisements in media television easy to follow by children how to live better. Also, health authorities, like health bureau, local clinic, and the others, have a vital role in tackle this problem because they have enough financial support to campaign in billboards, banner, and posters about healthy behaviour. Not only this, government indeed has responsibility to overcome unhealthy lifestyle among children by campaign a national movement healthy life.

In conclusion, schools and parent are regard to have a significant factors for way out of unhealthy life. While this entirely acceptable, I would argue that other factors should be thoughtful.
erin24 12 / 13  
Jan 28, 2016   #2
... play a vital role in solving this bedbad behaviour.

It is argued that parents and teachers should have responsibility to ...
thatwho always be followed by children

... parents always urge their children in eatingto eat healthy food or meals, while ...

As a results , this leads children to get accustomed to maintain atheir healthy lifestyle.

From thisTherefore, more responsibilityresponsibilities should be given to both, parents and schools, to monitor the ...

... have a vital role in tackleto tackle this problem because (...) support to campaign in their billboards, banner, and ...

Not only thisIn addition, government indeed has (...) among children by campaigning a national movement healthy life movement.

In conclusionTo conclude, schools and parents are regard to have a significant factors for ...

Please notice the subject verb agreement to create a great essay
aflah15 32 / 18 4  
Feb 20, 2016   #3
... how to address unhealthy behaviour in OF children.

... like media, health authorities, and THE government play a vital role

It is argued that parents and teacherS should have responsibility to tackle AN unhealthy lifestyle
... both parents and schools to monitor the kids CHILDREN' healthY behaviour.

... persuade children's healthY lifestyle because they have enough spots or spaceS. For example, mineral water and detergents advertisements in media television ARE easy to follow by children how to live better.
ilankelo21 36 / 41 22  
Feb 20, 2016   #4
More efforts have to be applied on how to address unhealthy behaviou r in children.

... play a vital role in solving this bed behaviou r.

HI Ahmad what such a great essay it is. Yet, instead of addressing many parties like media, health authorities and government, I tend to suggest you to focus on what side and elaborate it more.

Thanks.
Riiskacha03 31 / 34 5  
Feb 20, 2016   #5
Hi Sir, here my suggestion to you ..
since your task is agree or disagree and you already have two side, that is parents and teacher, I think it would be better if you build well-developed paragraphs on these two actor than mention another parties which cause your explanation is not complete.

It is enough and could be clearer and efficient than if you discuss and discover both teacher and parents as your first and second body paragraph. it is good that you have so much great ideas about the given topic; however, make your paragraphs include all information needed is better than mention shortly all of your idea. You can use one idea paragraph for each body paragraph.


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