Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 7

EILTS Writing Taks 1 Origin of Writing in some Place


Alamsyah Ismail 24 / 43  
Sep 20, 2016   #1
Ancient tribe believe that origin writing was started from a thausand years ago. Such as Egyptians who believe that their god Thoth was the person who was the first maker of writing and speech. In other side, ancient Maya also believe that skills from their god. That's way Mayan, people who lives around Mexico and Central America, are so famous with the temple walls and other religious buildings. In the myth of Chinese, the result of the writing was used in contact with their god. The oldest feature of Chinese writing was found approxmately 1500 B.C. The feature is called oracle bone script because its from animal bones and shells. It is indicated how writing skills is very important for all people, since from a thousand years ago until now.

Important - you must give more useful comments to avoid account suspension.
mem77 62 / 98 6  
Sep 20, 2016   #2
Hello Alamsyah, it very nice to see your essay and also i really appreciate with your efforts to this essay. But, i have a several correction for you to make your writing more good and also to increase your knowledge about writing skills. So, keep watch!

At the first sentence of first paragraph, you write "Ancient tribe believe that origin writing was started ..........." I think it's very wrong grammar because you used past progressive tense , so it should be change with "Ancient tribe believe that origin writing was starting......" And also on the same sentence, you've an error word. You write ".......from a thausand years ago." I suggest you to change it with this one "......from a thousand years ago."

ok Alamsyah, i think that's enough from me and keep learn!
andika08 81 / 80 16  
Sep 20, 2016   #3
Hello
You have a good summary
I have some corrections

Ancient tribe believed that original hand writing was started from a thausand thousand years ago. Such as Thus, Egyptians who believe that their god.There were some figuers which areThoth was the ...

Then,That's way Mayan, people who...
... writing was found approximately 1500 B.C. The featuresis called oracle bone script ...

You can using similar word.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Sep 20, 2016   #4
Hello, Alam. I think the above summary is a compact one which looks like you put only the important point of the original text; this is a good job. Still, there are several things to be revised as follows:

- Ancient tribe believes that origin writing was started from a thausandthousand years ago.
- Such asFor example, Egyptians who believe that their god Thoth was the person who was the first maker of invented writing and speech.
- In other side, ancient Maya also believe ...
I have a suggestion for this sentence: The ancient civilization of Maya has similar perspective with the Egyptians.
- That's wayThat is why the Mayan,...

You need to pay attention to the spelling, punctuation, and some diction. Reading a lot will help you to enhance your writing further. I hope you can follow it through.
alfa7 19 / 26 1  
Sep 20, 2016   #5
hello there, I want you obtain some suggestions from me, here we go:

... was started from athausand years ago. Such as(you should just say "such" when the object which you want to explain only one) Egyptians who believe that their g od (please use first word in capital when you write God or Gods) Thoth was the person ...

... was used in contact with their g od.
... Chinese writing was found approxmately 1500 B.C.

please double check with your spelling!
Ajid1406 1 / 2  
Sep 20, 2016   #6
hai there,, let me give some corrections for you..

1. Ancient tribe believe (believes)
2. such as (such as + noun, noun ( more two examples)[/b]Egyptians who believe ...
3.people who lives (live)
4. because its ( it is) from animal bones and shells

thank you..
VKWSSH99 1 / 3  
Sep 21, 2016   #7
Hi Alamsyah Ismail,

I have few suggestions for you to improve your writing.

- Your headline : EILTS {it should be IELTS } Writing Taks {it should be Task ) 1 Origin of Writing in some Place

- Ancient tribe believes {you should use simple past tense for stating a fact} that origin writing was started from a thausand years ago.

- Such as {this words too common you can use For instance } Egyptians who believe that their god.....

Good luck!


Home / Writing Feedback / EILTS Writing Taks 1 Origin of Writing in some Place