Unanswered [15] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4


Writing Task 1 : The Elder Population in Three different countries


nda18 46 / 80 9  
Nov 10, 2016   #1
A breakdown of the information about the proportion of elderly people in three different developed countries for a 100-year period, started in 1940 is described in the given line graph. Overall, it can be seen that the number of elderly inhabitant in those countries has the similar upward trend and it is predicted to increase with the same pattern in the future.

To begin, by 1940, USA and Sweden had higher proportion of older people living there at around 10% and 7% respectively and grew gradually in the next following decades. In contrast, Japanese elderly inhabitant had remain below one a fifth and kept unchanged for several years.

In 1990, the aging people in two countries experienced a slight drop while Japan started to show an increase in elder inhabitant. Furthermore, in 2040, it is forecasted that Japan's elderly population will grow significantly and hit a peak nearly five times higher than the first time of the period. This projection places Japan in the highest position in the elderly citizen ratio and is followed by Sweden and USA.



Beauty17 56 / 88 5  
Nov 11, 2016   #2
hallo.. i try to give some notes for you..

Firstly, please you put your question picture while upload your essay. Without any pictures you make the reader confuse to give your comment. Then i will give some suggestion for your essay content.

A breakdown of the information about the (...) is described in the given line graph.
... in those countries has had the similar upward trend and it is was predicted to ...

Furthermore, in 2040, it is forecasted that Japan's [...] is followed by Sweden and USA. (This already good because you can present it on future form)

Overall good.. keep writing and break a leg..
Dioba 68 / 104 7  
Nov 11, 2016   #3
Hi, let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you.
1. give the measurement statement. ---> A breakdown of the information about the proportion (...) line graph and is measured by percent. .
remember to put 3 predominant elements in your introduction. First, paraphrase the question, second is about what we are talking about, in this case is the proportion of elderly people in three different developed countries for a 100-year period, Third is the measurement.

2. you should be more use paraphrase about the number. ex : 10 % = one-ten or a minority to make your essay more interesting.
Overall good and keep writing Miss Nurul.
Abrahamlincoln 54 / 56  
Nov 11, 2016   #4
Halllo Nda,

(please notice to your structure. in the first paragraph you should give brief explanation the chart you are going to describe, it contains (table information, measurement and most interesting fact on the chart. you did not do that on your writing task 1).

... and Sweden had a higher proportion of ...

Overall, your writing is extremely good. but you need to use other expressions to describe the proportion such as a quarter. etc


Home / Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 : The Elder Population in Three different countries
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳