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Elderly people alone or with their family (TOEFL Essay)


tdamqnova 3 / 8  
Apr 13, 2011   #1
In some societies elderly people live with their childhood or grandchildren, when they cannot support themselves. In other societies elderly live with in special residents call retirement hole, which are operated by health professionals. Compare the two systems. Which do you think is better?

Many people believe that they must help and protect their parents, when they become old. The most popular ways for doing this are two. First is to live together with them or to leave them to the care of health specialists in retirement hole. We must think first and then to choose which way is better in our so busy daily round?

On first place to live together with your parents means one really big place for living, when everyone to have space for himself. Also you must be more careful about every daily routine. One typical example is the noise, because the elderly people need a rest and calm. But on the other hand they can help with cooking and the other obligations for one mother, who is working. In addiction they can take care of their grandchildren.

To leave your parents with someone, who will help them is the other way to be sure that they are fine. On one hand this type of help is much expensive. Also you are not with them anyway; you just go see them one in a week for example. On the other hand it has many benefits. They are with other elderly people with who they can have similar interests and they can find a common language.

I strongly believe it is better to take me parents to live with my. I prefer to see them every day and to have the opportunity to speck with them about my daily round. Also my mother is a teacher and can help my kids with their homework.Everyone must think out, before to make a decision, but for the health of our parents, we must think over again.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Apr 15, 2011   #2
Great edit, Dumi. I guess that word could also be "homes," because where I live they are usually called retirement homes.
What do you think about it, Teodora? Did you want to write "holes" or something else?

Here are a few ideas:

We must think first and then to choose which way is better in our so busy daily lives.

On In the first place, to live together with your parents means having one really big place for living, where everyone needs to have space for himself. Also you must be more careful ...---You wrote the rest of this paragraph in a very nice way!

Oh, but I see you used "addiction." That is the wrong word.----> In addiction addition, they can take care of their grandchildren.

Okay, practice typing these sentences the correct way.
:-)
OP tdamqnova 3 / 8  
Apr 16, 2011   #3
Thanks a lot !! The word I think was homes.. I`m not sure why I have wrote it.Stupid mistake like every way. If some of you can give me directions to take my TOEFL I would be very thankful. I`m very nervous about it. However, every help is welcome :))
Nesreen 15 / 41  
Apr 16, 2011   #4
Nice comments guys also we can call it infirmary as a house of old people.

you need Teodora Damyanova to read more how to differentiate between nouns and adjectives.
Plus, you need to check the difference between pronouns such as in this sentence
I strongly believe it is better to take me parents to live with my me.

Well done :-)
daliqin 4 / 12  
Apr 17, 2011   #5
Dear tdamqnova,

i think you should come out with your opinions more explicit, just let the readers get your point at the first glance of the article.

regarding your writing as a testing essay, it is better to have an acceptable structure, that has been my top concern for construct an essay. the reader could see your point easily that way.

hope my suggestions give you some inspirations :-]
OP tdamqnova 3 / 8  
Apr 17, 2011   #6
Dear Daliqin, what do you mean by an acceptable structure? Do you think my structure is bad, because I have attend TOEFL course and I think mi structure is OK. I will be glad to give me more details about the perfect structure, only on this way I will improve myself. Thanks.
daliqin 4 / 12  
Apr 17, 2011   #7
Hi Tdamqnova,

here are my suggestions and hope they can help you a little :-)

Actually, a good structure of a thesis shows that you got a clear understanding of the topic's purpose, and the readers can follow your comprehensive ideas easily.

obviously, there are two selections are given to you and you should make your own choice and explain the reasons, so the best way to do that is to build an arguement between them to make your point more explicit.

Maybe you should find some representative differences between the two and try to convince everyone that the one you choose is better than another in several aspect.

Becides, you need some work out on your grammar along with vocabulary.

good luck!!

daliqin


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