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IELTS Task 2: Elderly people should live in nursing homes or with younger people!

sophienguyen92v 3 / 5  
Aug 6, 2012   #1
Please fix my essay. Thanks a lot

Some believe elderly people should live in nursing homes, others think they should live with the younger family members. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

It is commonly accepted that places for elders is regarded as one of the most concerns in the society. This can be seen in many developed countries where the number of elderly people is reaching higher levels. Proponents argue that nursing homes are better living places for elders than their families. Both sides of the issue will be discussed in my writings.

Generally speaking, no one can deny the benefits of living with families, including expenditure. From the governmental perspective, irrefutably, the higher the number of elders are, the more demand of the nursing homes are. As a result, there will be a need for government to allocate more money for the purpose of meeting demand including nursing house building and staff training and paying. An ambiguous example of this is Japan, one of the countries having the most aging rates in the world. In 2002, Japanese government spent a budget of $60 billion on health care for elderly. Living with families can be a contributory factor to solve that problem.

Nevertheless, living with families sometimes have some drawbacks. Facts have shown that people at older age tend to easily feel depression because of their health which usually is not as good as they used to be and their loneliness. In the modern society, their children prefer working to staying at homes, all of which makes elderly feel more dejected. The modern family is often not close-knit and members do not have habits of spending time chatting with each other. In this case, going to nursing houses is better suitable choices for elderly since at least there are somebody talking and playing with them.

Looking at both sides of the situation, I am convinced by the belief that it is better for elderly to live with their families. In the time of economic crisis, the expenditure per head, according to statistics, keeps escalating and, therefore, not a number of families could afford this. Also, local authorities could organize programs with participations of elderly, including "Walking for a green environment" which provides them opportunities to have conversations with others.

All things considered, regarding both views of the issue, I am of the latter belief. As is stated above, living with families is an economic choice. Nonetheless, for the purpose of limiting pessimistic effects, local authorities and families should motivate elderly participate in social programs.

kibz95 16 / 53 15  
Jan 19, 2015   #2
Hello Mr. Nguyen. I know this essay stated to provide arguments from both sides but it also gave you the command to pick a side. The body was okay, there were some grammar errors and I think you misused the word 'Ambiguously'. Why would you provide an 'ambiguous' example? It doesn't make any sense. Also at the conclusion, the final sentence was a self-destruct button... After chosen a side, why would you mention nonetheless and put your focus back to families and local authorities? I highly suggest to change the sentence to another supporting one.

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