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TOEFL:ELECTRIC BOOK OR PAPER BOOK?(contrast)


fuhuanluck 5 / 11  
Oct 19, 2009   #1
i will have tf test in two months, and i want to improve my writng skill. please help me .i really appreciate. thank you

Currently, as computers bring about more possibilities into our lives, electric books gradually take the place of paper books. However, if you have an opportunity to choose, which one will you prefer, electric books or paper books? Those people who prefer electric books hold the view that they can save money. Unfortunately, were I to choose, never will I form the same opinion. From my prospective, paper books are more convenient and benefit us more than electric ones.

Initially, paper books are systematic ones, making readers absorb in knowledge more scientifically. The articles in paper books are printed in pages, as a result, it is ready for us to look for the topics in need. I vividly remember last year when I first read TWILIGHT in the electric book, I felt tedious in writing down the pages I had read before I finished reading each time. Similarly, looking for the pages left behind before I started reading it was frustrated. Although the plots appealed to me, the interval between reading reduced my excitement. Therefore, electric books are not as clear as paper books.

Postly, paper books do less harm to students' eyes than electric books. Long time exposed to electric tools, such as computers and mp4, causes eyesight decreasing sharply. To this serious phenomenon, time of using electric tools ought to be restricted by parents. However, according to a recent survey conducted by Tsinghua Research Department, almost 73.26% of readers are students under 24, which has a large proportion of middle school students and high school students. That is to say, students' health will be threatened greatly if they use electric books. Thus, paper books hurt eyes slightly by contrast.

Admittedly, electric books save money and paper materials, just as I mentioned above. But when we take health and clearness into consideration, paper books are more suitable for students.

The advent of technology brings about advantages, however, also leads to demerits. In spite of this, traditional paper books are better for students' eyes and more scientific. In conclusion, paper books are more beneficial for us with the tension of obtaining knowledge.
yin 12 / 38  
Oct 19, 2009   #2
In my own opinion, you should look back on the templates of the TOEFL essays of Princeton/Cambridge/Barron's books. Hope it help :)

The way you use adverb at the beginning of each paragraph may be redundant/unnecessary, plus, it is not clearly. Once again, I emphasise on the templates you should follow if you want to win high scores of the toefl ibt writing test.

Cheers,
yin
OP fuhuanluck 5 / 11  
Oct 19, 2009   #3
thanks a lot. i am not sure how to use APPEAL, like whether it has passive tense.
yin 12 / 38  
Oct 19, 2009   #4
Are you preparing for the TOEFL ibt test?
How about your listening skill? Do you have any tips?
In my opinion, your writing skill need to be improved and you should follow the templates as I have mentioned.
Cheers,
yin
EF_Stephen - / 264  
Oct 19, 2009   #5
Initially, paper books are systematic ones, making readers absorb in knowledge more scientifically.

This makes very little sense to me. I think I understand what you are trying to mean, but when I am reading, I don't want to have to take the time to figure it out. You should just say what you mean, clearly.

That's really the problem with this essay--there is too much vocabulary that doesn't fit, and expressions that are bewildering.

And, the books are electronic, not electric.
yin 12 / 38  
Oct 19, 2009   #6
EF_Stephen: How about my checking for his passage? Is there anything invalid?
EF_Stephen - / 264  
Oct 19, 2009   #7
I think there's a lot valid, but the language errors make it almost impossible to decode.

I don't think most people will take the time to get through it. It is too dense with grammar and other mistakes.
OP fuhuanluck 5 / 11  
Oct 20, 2009   #8
EF_Stephen:thank you for your advice. but i am confused how to improve my vocabulary problem. how to make words fit well? please help me


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