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IELTS Task 1: Electricity Production Change in Australia and France

nuradiapuspa 11 / 25  
Jun 9, 2017   #1
The pie chart below show units of electricity production by fuel sources in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000

different sources for electricity production in numbers

The pie charts reveal the proportion of electricity produced using five different of fuels in two different countries in 1980 and 2000. Overall, eventough Australia and France increased their production, there were different pattern in the changes of fuel source precentage.

In 1980, Australia produced 100 units of electricity with half of it was come from coal source. That source just over three-quarters of all in 2000 when the country increased it's total production to 170 units. The hydropower source had also risen to 36% troughout the period. France, who produced 90 units of electricity in 1980, rose it's production to be doubled in 2000. The greatest change was in nuclear power source which moved up to approximately 75% of total production. Besides, both two countries experienced a significant decrease in natural gas source production.

Less change was seen in oil source production in Australia which fell slightly by 8%, while in France it rose slightly to 25%. At 5%, hydro power source was the less production in France then in the last period it turned down to only 2%. Coal source production remained unchanged in this country.

Total words : 188

thieman 1 / 1  
Jun 9, 2017   #2
nuradiapuspa there are some observed mistakes in the introducing paragraph: after "five different", you should give a noun in plural form and then rewrite "of fuels"; the next sentence have a similar mistake with "different pattern", "pattern" should be rewrited in plural form, and "eventough" is a vocab mistake.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,411 4391  
Jun 10, 2017   #3
Nuradia, my first comment is that your summary overview is lacking in content and as such, does not display an accurate summary of the chart information. Since the chart clearly indicates the 5 types of fuel used to produce electricity, you must have included the names of these products in the summary. Since the summary is an overview of important information and also doubles as the chronological presentation of the forthcoming discussion, the inclusion of those names would have told the reader about the path of discussion you are about to take. Another comment is with regards to the timeline reference in your essay. Since all of these events have already occurred, it would show a better understanding of English sentence development on your part, if you consistently used the correct time reference in the essay. In this case, the past tense should have been used uniformly in the essay presentation. Now, I believe that you use a separate word processing program to type this essay right? Even if you use the actual text box in the forum, the misspelled words would have been indicated. Please pay attention to your spelling and learn how to correctly spell as many words as possible while you are practicing because in the actual test, misspelled words will drag down your final score. Overall, this is a decent attempt at writing a summary essay. Work on the problem points to show improvement in your next round of practice tests.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Jun 10, 2017   #4
Be careful when using words in writing task 1. Not all words can be used, for example: "different pattern in the changes of" sound unnatural here. It is always better to check them in your dictionary as to know how they are used in a proper way. Again, the paragraph 2 is struggling with words used and mechanics, and therefore this interrupts the flow of the sentence. Rather than using "was come", you'd better simply write "come", or you can switch the sentence, for example, people in Australia depended too much on coal, as this source was used to produce electricity, representing 50 of 100 units in total. A closer look at the last paragraph points out that as the phrase of "less change" misplaced, this cannot cover your presentation in the graph. Suggestion: not all phrases from the sample answer can be used in all IELTS essays. Make sure you know how to use it. What's more, you are lost in coherence. The word "it" refers to an empty idea as such a phrase is ambiguous, having more than one possible reference. Suggestion: find a good IELTS teacher to help you improve both lexical items and coherence in writing.

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