As you know, developing new devices such as computer and television,... make people motionless to do some exercises, so it is resulted into more sicknesses and diseases. However, I think it depends on the behavior of each person because each person has different daily activities.
For most people, computer and television are the main devices which entertain people in their daily lives. However, using them too much in the office causes some problems in citizen's health. If you watch television or computer too much, it can not only cause some problems on their eyes but also influence their work. Also, the operating of computer for work causes a big problem on their vision. Most people spend their time watching, which causes many negative effects for citizen's health.
On the other hand, the newer technologies have more advantages for people's health. For example, Television is one of the entertain everyone who necessary for relax, laugh, and find news. Computers are very helpful some people to do their jobs. With computer, make people do many works easier, you can watch video, play games, and also browsing the internet. Therefore, technology is not the only reason that people do less physical activities. There are other tools which cause some physical problems . And nowadays, new product have used in many hospitals all over the world, which help the doctors detect the problem of their patients. But sometimes, they spend they leisure all day for lazy and make our body overweight.
In conclusion, in my view of our problem in gaining weight can be originated from less physical activities which is the main disadvantages of new inventions. Indeed, everybody in the world needs computer and television. However, sometimes we have remembers that we must be to exercise before and after use it.
Hi Tuyet,
I think that you need to write the prompt of this essay. This would ease us in reading and checking your essay whether you have successfully answered the prompt properly or not. Aside from that, I would still want to help you in this essay by focusing on grammatical range and accuracy part. I hope you can follow through.
1st paragraph:
... and television make people motionless to do some exercisestend to live a sedentary lifestyle . soThus,it is resulted intomore sicknesses andthis makes various types of diseases are currently growing . (I have no idea why did you wrote (...) three dots in this sentence. I think that it ruined the structure of this sentence itself and the meaning is quite confusing because of this)
- However, I think it depends on the behavior of each person because ...I disagree with the statement above because I think it depends....(if you want to get a high score, stating your position clearly would do)
4th paragraph:
- In this paragraph, you are suggested to re-state your position clearly. You cannot reach band 6 or above if you write an unclear conclusion. (I assume that this is an IELTS writing task 2. If this is different type of essay, unclear conclusion still become a problem anyway)
Hope this helps :)
