WRITING TASK II
The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationship between people.
To what extent do you agree / disagree ?
Give a reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge of experience.
Electronic media had influenced people's daily life in doing many things. Nowdays, media of electronic such as facebook, instagram, messenger, and twitter had changed the way people do communication and it is the bad thing for some people. However, I convince that communication through electronic media will not give any unbeneficial effects on personal relationship between people.
The significant improvement of utilizing electronic media gives a sense of worry for some people. They believe that since social media boomed some years ago, people preferred rely on their smartphone or other electronic devices to connect with other people. In other cases, a group of people that hang out together but still hold their mobile phone will focus on their cyber world than real world that clearly seen in front of their eyes. Talking or texting through electronic media are looked more modern than talking face to face. In addition, the other bad effect of electronic media is forgetting responsibility, to illustrate, an employee who has to finish his job in time, but because he enjoys his life on social media too much, it makes his leader disappointed.
On the other hand, the growing of internet that supports the better quality in using electronic media becomes a positive side that should be thankful by some people. Communicate through media of electronic makes people easier to be connected one another. The cost is the first reason people like to use social media, it is affordable that they need to spend much more money to meet. It can be a way to use the time more effective.
The power of social media also can be the solution for the users who life far away from the other users. They can be connected by skype or line and doing life chat, hence the feeling is like meet the person directly with the family or friend they talk to. Additionally, people can keep in touch regularly by many kinds of features in their smartphone such as sharing picture, video, and voice note. The opponents believe that bad effect of social media can occur if the users misuse the function of electronic media. Electronic media will be so much helpful if we use it in the right way and the right time. It depends on the particular person itself.
To sum up, social media is medium that helps us to connect with other people. By becoming a wise user, we can prevent and decreas the negative effects made by misleading of the using of electronic media.
Hi Russell,
I would like to separate my feedback into three essential parts of IELTS task 2. I hope you can follow through.
Introduction Paragraph:
- In this paragraph you need to clearly define what electronic media is. This paragraph is quite confusing. You give us examples of "social media" not "electronic media". For your information, any equipment used in the electronic communication process (e.g. television, radio, telephone, desktop computer, game console, handheld device) are considered as electronic media. If you want to use those examples, you need to convince the reader by saying "in the electronic media such as Smartphones or laptops, people have Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and many more to communicate with others."
- However, you also forgot to mention your stance clearly after paraphrasing the question. Remember, if you want to reach band 6 or above, relevant position should be presented in the beginning of the essay (introduction paragraph). Express a position but with unclear development would only give you 5.0 band score in task response.
Body Paragraphs:
- For me, it was too bulky. It was not necessary to write that long. 2 body paragraphs has adequately covered all the necessary points that should be addressed by IELTS candidates. It is better to have one idea paragraph rather than multiple idea paragraph. Most of multiple idea paragraphs come up with unclear development and confusing structure.
Concluding paragraph:
- You need to know that presenting a new idea is not allowed in the concluding paragraph. You just need to sum up all the information given on your body paragraphs or just simply paraphrase your introduction paragraph. Don't you realize that this idea "By becoming a wise user.." never appeared in the whole essay? It seems like the idea of "wise user" came out of nowhere. You cannot go beyond 5.0 if you do this.
There you have it Russell, I hope you can compose a better essay practice next time. Do not hesitate to ask if you need further assistance. Good luck mate :)
Hi Russell, first of all, I would like to share that, topics like this are definitely the topics that are worth writing about. Indeed, electronic media and technology as a whole really turned our lives to 360 degrees, one thing that none of us, humans, has thought would happen in a million years.
For this particular agreement however, I believe you have written quiet an intensive one, you made sure that your points are covered and you have elaborately wrote this in fine detail. Now, as much as I love the fact that you have written an essay this informative, I would like to suggest a few notes for your conclusion.
Conclusion
- To sum upOverall , social media
- is a medium that helps us to connect with other people. By becoming a wise userbeing cautious in using technology , we can prevent and decrease the negative effects made by misleading of the using offrom using electronic media.
There you have it Rusell, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you need further assistance, do let us know, we will be here to assist you.
