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The elusive demographic bonus - boon or bust?


Yusuf05 11 / 14 2  
Aug 19, 2016   #1
This is my other writing,

Indonesia has projected to deal with the demographic bonus by 2025. For some, the escalation of what so-called "the golden age" may attract a considerable concern. Supposedly, we all, the Indonesian, make a full inquiry to ourselves; are we well-prepared enough to deal with the future booming populution? What sort of lessons we can draw from the past?

In related to aforementioned questions, the global research by the Economist Intelligence Unit (EIU) and headed by Citi Foundation in January-April 2015 conducted a study to the youth from 35 disparate prominent cities worldwide, including Jakarta. The outcome was surprising.

Jakarta stood at the fifth in regarding to the confidence of the young people for being welfare and successful. However, it was abominable due to the fact that the GDP/capita cities was cradled at the bottom.

The other pivotal point was the educational experiences. The research revealed that from 35 sample cities, Jakarta placed at 28th among. Such a low level of education can hamper the ones enthusiasm at the first place.

The last significant aspect should be the quality of the human and social capital itself. Without no doubt, the powerful degree of certain citizens will determine how resistant ones nation in the midst of global threats to thrive.

Therefore, all those priorities should be measured thoroughly for the ideal dream of the future nation.

Just feel free to leave your feedback below.
Thanks

akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Aug 20, 2016   #2
Hi Yusuf.
These are my corrections to develop your summary better.


the future boomingpopulution POPULATION?
What sort of lessons we can CAN WE draw
In related to BASED ON aforementioned questions,
Jakarta stood at the fifth in regarding to the confidence
the GDP/capita cities was WERE cradled at the bottom.

The other ANOTHER pivotal point was ...
Jakarta placed at 28th among.
... education can hamper the ones ONE'S enthusiasm

... citizens will determine how resistant ones THE RESISTANT nation


Note:
I am pleased to read your writing. One is primary reasons is that this writing is free of many major errors. However, there is a matter which you should construct immediately. Readers will get the point if they have read the entire writing. It will be a boomerang for the writer because some readers sometimes read a part of the writing. You have to find the way to attract the readers so they wanna read that overall. I suggest you explain a topic in the paragraph. Make you sure that the paragraph has described the whole topic before you move to another topic.

OVERALL, IT IS A GOO JOB.

keep spirit
happy writing


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