"My emotions that I remember on a day in your life"; ARTICLE

please help me with corrections... and suggestions... we are just told to write emotions with no hint about any background... critics most welcomed...!!

The image has literally tilted and existed to tell me. Every thing proved to have an automatic life of its own.. though did work out in manner i would have never guessed about. That was the day when i lost my character. The decisive moment that told me that time was up. I remember how many eyes worked to observe those losses... those losses who stole my lift.. my smile..!!

As i gasped all about the situation, i had formerly known that i have to lose my hold onto something. I knew if i wouldn't, the cruel poses of time awaited me. Before i never knew how intense something could be. I had crushed my disposition to understand it. Those moments gave me nothing of them. All i could do was to gaze at the distant hopes. The only hopes that could assure me something better... are all now.. the harsh memories of the past...!!

The tragic endeavour just could do to innovate the life. That day the feeling of emptiness gripped my heart. The fastened stretch across my chest had not yet loosened its hold on me. It was already contrived... and after that i dont neeed anything to make me remember. All i have to do is to get up in the morning. If i am awake, i remember.

Questions rattled in my head...heart skipped many beats... knots formed in my throat... the blanket of guilt still smothers me. You can say that everything is just fine for me... If you think that..

"A POUNDING HEART AND TOO MANY MEMORIES WERE JUST OKAY!!!"

line 1: Every thing----->Everything

line 8: neeed------------>need

line 1: of its own.. though did work out in manner i would have-----> of it's own. Though it did work out in manners I would have

line 3: worked to observe those losses... those losses who stole my lift.. my smile..!!
make sure not to put multiple periods and capitalize your i's to I, you prob. already knew that though :)

Around the end I would probably replace the dots with just a comma.

thank you so much... I need more help plzzz...

Some more suggestions for you:


--> It


--> which


--> remembered


--> had to


--> would not do


--> i think it's ok, but if you move "before" to the last, the sentence seems more fluent.
Hope it can help you ;)
Nice day

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