Please review my essay. The original question for the expositry was: Emperor Jones' flight is a progress in self-understanding.
I know I have difficulty with sentance variety, conventions, focus, style, and control. Please help.
The escaping of Emperor Jones is actually a journey of self-understanding. At the beginning of his flight from the palace, the potential to discover who he is, opened as his views of himself and his ego are shattered in face of events incalculable to Jones. In the forest he faced manifestations from his collective and personal unconscious memories in order to reveal hidden truths about who he really is. Emperor Jones' flight is a progress in self understanding.
In scene one, Jones' conscious ego as what he thought he was at the time is discredited. Jones believed, "Dey's some tings [he] ain't got tole. [He] kin see 'em in folk's eyes," yet he fails to notice that his servants, guards, and military advisors ran away, until he attempted to summon them. Although Jones realized he could not hold his emperorship forever, he estimated, "[He's] good for six months yit..." and became apprehensive to discover that the beating drum signified the revolt beginning at that moment.
Continuing his escape with his view of himself disproved, Jones encountered manifestations from his personal past to show he hadn't changed at all in his time as emperor. Jones not only encounter the haunting images of two people he killed, but his reoccurring desire for revenge. "I gits even wid you..." he said with "rage and hatred." Symbolic of the similar decision he made earlier in his life, Jones submits to his fears and fired a gunshot to "kill the haunts".
Manifestation from Jones' racial memory served a similar role, to show Jones' uncivilized heritage was no better than the natives', whom he took advantage of by draining their wealth. During his encounters with the auctioneer and the slave ship, Jones was treated as an uncivilized being by being shipped and sold like property. The apparition of the witch doctor wanted to perform the uncivilized practice of human sacrifice, Jones being the offering. Each time, Jones' attempted to counter the manifestations by praying, "Forgive me Lawd!" to his civilized god. Symbolic of rejecting his racial heritage, Jones "killed" the manifestations with his gun.
Emperor Jones' flight is a progress in self-understanding. O'Neill emphasized this through insight on Jones' conscious ego, personal unconscious memory, and collective unconscious memory.
Greetings!
The thing that stands out the most to me is that you use the thesis statement, "Emperor Jones' flight is a progress in self-understanding," twice -- three times if you count the very first sentence, which is almost the same. Unless your instructor told you to use that statement, ver batim, in both the opening and closing paragraphs, don't -- it's too repetitive.
"The escaping of Emperor Jones is actually a journey of self-understanding." - Don't say "The escaping of"; remember to avoid passive voice. "Emperor Jones' escape allows him to see himself in ways he had never previously imagined" would be one way to say it.
"At the beginning of his flight from the palace, the potential to discover who he is, opened as his views of himself and his ego are shattered in face of events incalculable to Jones." - This is a little long and awkward. How about "The emperor's potential to discover who he really is began with his flight from the palace. His self-image and ego are shattered in the face of catastrophic events he did not anticipate."
"Jones not only encounter the haunting images of two people he killed, but his reoccurring desire for revenge." - Say "encountered" and "recurring."
Symbolic of the similar decision he made earlier in his life, Jones submits to his fears and fired a gunshot to "kill the haunts". - You're using both past and present tense. Stick with one. Put periods inside quotation marks: haunts."
"Each time, Jones' attempted to counter the manifestations by praying ..." - It's not possesive, so you don't need an apostrophe on Jones here.
Your last sentence could perhaps be varied from the earlier statement by saying, "O'Neill emphasized the emperor's evolving self-awareness by providing insight on Jones' conscious ego, "
Hope this helps!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
