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IELTS Writing task 2: Employees should dress smartly or focus on productivity instead of appearance?


thaithu 3 / 9 1  
Nov 19, 2019   #1
Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Dress Code Policy at the workplace



Over the past decade, dresscode at work has never failed to draw public attention and provoke debates. Some people assert that the employees should show their proffesion by their dressing styles while the other hold their view that the staffs had better give more notice on their working efficiency to appearance. In this essay, I will go more intensively into these two opinions and give my personal perpective.

Firstly, it is essential to recognize that smartly attractive dresscode at the offices possibly and indirectly encourage the staffs' interest or motivation at work. To be more specific, the fact that the employees have their own alternatives to adopt what they probably wear to the offices will make them more willing to concentrate on their jobs as the more delighted they get, the more productive they may perform. Furthermore, the scenio that all the staffs in the firm dress fashionably and proffesionally really show an amazing and interesting brand image for the company.

On the other hand, it is equally vital to recognize that labour productivity is of much higher essence compared to showing off the dressing styles at work. For example, notwithstanding serving in the same industry field, Vietjet Air actually make customers bear in mind their much more marvelous and high-fashioned uniforms than those of Vietnam Airlines. Nonetheless, Vietnam Airlines successfully achieves higher reputation due to their careful service and safer flights, which makes it manage to maintain its position and firmly stands still on the top.

In conclusion, every view has its own merits and drawbacks. To my point of view, under no circumstances does paying more attention to dress intelligently and gorgeously at the offices impact detrimentally on working productivity. As a result, I will give my support to the idea of freedom of dressing at work.

Maria [Contributor] - / 1,047 372  
Nov 20, 2019   #2
@thaithu
Hi there! Thanks for coming to the forum. I hope my feedback gives you a better insight on how to improve your writing. Don't hesitate to approach us if you have additional questions/concerns!

From the get-go, I think that the first paragraph can still be improved if you focused a lot more on specifying details. For instance, the first paragraph's introductory sentence still appears to be rather bland. It is insufficient for you to merely mention that it will "draw in attention" if you the discussion of dress-codes would be presented. Instead, what you could have done was jumped straight into why these specific queries draw attention in the first place. Bear in mind that being more specific can go a long way for you.

Taking things further down the line, the transition between your body paragraphs needs to be hammered down and improved as well. Alongside this, you should also improve the level of formality in your writing. This can be easily done if you would opt to not use specific lines that do not necessarily give away that you're dealing with casual language. For instance, the last sentence of your second paragraph is a clear indicator of informality. Try your best to stick with language that is boldly formal.
OP thaithu 3 / 9 1  
Nov 21, 2019   #3
@Maria
thank you very much <3


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