Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Some employers prefer formal qualification than life experience

iamaminh 1 / 2  
Jul 20, 2018   #1
Hi, I would appreciate it a lot if you can assess my writing and also rate the IELTS band score for this essay.
Thank you in advance!

formal academic qualification is not enough

Topic: Nowadays, some employers think that formal academic qualifications are more important than life experience or personal qualities when they look for new employees. Why is in this case? Is a positive or negative development?

In these modern days, recruiters tend to prefer employees with formal academic qualifications than those with life experience and personal qualities. I personally believe that this is a negative development.

There are certain reasons for the changing criteria in recruitment nowadays. The first and perhaps most important reason is that academic qualifications are often a reliable proof of one's ability, which helps the employers to save time testing their employees' quality. Moreover, some jobs such as researchers and professors require technical knowledge which can probably be provided better in higher education. Also, it will improve the reputation of the company whose employees are all formally qualified. For instance, there are several law firms that only employ graduates from prestigious schools like Harvard so that their clients would have faith in their lawyers.

However, I believe that overestimating qualifications could lead to numerous negative impacts. First, this development might prompt job-seekers to fake their qualifications in order to avoid being unemployed. In addition, not all qualifications are reliable, in Vietnam some people even earned a Master degree through an online course after a few months. Finally, it is highly likely that a wide range of potential workers could be overlooked as they do not have high qualification, which is a huge loss for a company.

To conclude, it is some employers' belief that formal academic qualification are more important than life experience or personal qualities of employees due to several reasons. In my opinion, this development has negative effects on both companies and job-seekers.

LocLe - / 2 2  
Jul 20, 2018   #2
Okay, there are some areas that you can improve:
- First off, "I personally believe that this is a negative development". This is your most important sentence and will be the foundation of the entire essay, which means your essay should support and explain why you're saying so. You can see that your essay does not accomplish this. The first paragraph is contradicting the second one, and both of them does little to explain your thesis sentence. I suggest you use both paragraphs to explain why you think this is a negative development.

- To make it clearer, in IELTS, you have three approaches to writing an essay. Given a problem, you can choose to support the positive argument or the negative one, or both. The first two choices are more popular, and I suggest you to choose them, since doing so makes it easier for you to make your essay consistent with your thesis statement, and if there is anything that the examiners want, that is clarity and consistency. Having a neutral stance, i.e. having both arguments in your essay is okay, but it is more difficult to write and to maintain a clear opinion.

- "Also, it will improve ...". The "it" is ambiguous and should not be used here. When you reread your essay, ask yourself "What does "it" represent ? What does "it" stand for ?". A rule of thumb is to look at the previous sentence to find out. Here is my take on your sentence : "Also, having employees who are all formally qualified will be tremendously valuable for the company to improve it's reputation". You can see that the sentence is now much clearer.
OP iamaminh 1 / 2  
Jul 20, 2018   #3

Thank you so much for your advice! Also, here is my response:

- As the topic is a 2-part question (Why is in this case? Is a positive or negative development?), I think it is sensible to answer each question in each body paragraph. However, your advice suggests me that I should probably change my introduction to make it clearer: "It is true that these days recruiters tend to prefer employees with formal academic qualifications than those with life experience and personal qualities. There are various reasons for this development, and it seems to me that the impacts are largely negative". Do you think that this intro is better?

- To talk about approaches, this is what I have been concerned for a while. I am aware that it is easier for me to keep my essay in just one opinion (either negative or positive), but having a neutral stance will give me more ideas to write and develop in my essay, especially when I only have 40 minutes in the test (which means that I have to come up with the ideas really quick). To be honest, I still not figure out which approach should I choose :(

- You are right, the "it" doesn't sound suitable in my sentence. Thank you for rewriting it!

Once again, thanks for taking your time and helping me with my writing.
LocLe - / 2 2  
Jul 20, 2018   #4
- Yes, what I was trying to say is that your paragraphs should be explaining and extending from your thesis statement. Your original statement did not address the first half of the question. (Which you fixed in your comment). For even stronger impact and emphasis, you can quickly outline the reasons and the negative effects in your opening paragraph. You can add something like this at the end "This essay will focus on the most notable reasons for this trend, which are the reliable assessments of employees and the reassurance of qualifications from reputable sources. The essay will also address the negative impacts in the form of overestimating qualifications and possible loss of potential workers". So as you can see, the thesis statement is followed by your outline, which creates clarity and give the examiners an idea of what to expect in your essay. Please note that the outline is optional and you should only write this if you are confident in your paraphrasing skills.

- Another thing to note is that you should begin each paragraph with a clear sentence, which states what you're going to do in the paragraph. Should you include an outline like above, the sentence starting the paragraph should be paraphrased.

- As for how you should approach this kind of question. It is clear that the first half requires you to list the reasons, which is pretty obvious. For the second half, I suggest you spend 5 minutes brainstorming for ideas. You should make a list of both the negative and positive sides of the argument. Then take a look at the list and decide which side is easier for you to write. Yes, you can take a neutral stance for the matter, but please remember that doing so will make it difficult for you to write a comprehensive and clear essay. But if that is what you're most comfortable with, then go with it.

- The goal of IELTs is to assess your ability to use English, not your knowledge in various fields. Therefore, you can choose to write something that you don't even agree with, as long as it is easier to write. You can even make up examples, as long as they sound convincing and they support the idea of the whole paragraph.
OP iamaminh 1 / 2  
Jul 20, 2018   #5
Thank you for valuable advice. I really appreciate it!

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Some employers prefer formal qualification than life experience