Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Writing task 1 : The employment of the first-year teachers in Ontario from 2001 to 2007

Hammy 13 / 35  
Mar 20, 2019   #1

Percentage of first-year teachers with regular teaching jobs by year of graduation.

The line graph below gives us information about being in employment as first-year teachers in Ontario in a period from 2001 to 2007.
Overall, the teachers choosing to teach English and French have the same rate at the first stage. However, after that, the numbers have a significant change. The percentage of teachers teaching French seems to have just a little fluctuation and be continuous to increase slightly, contrary to the down trend of the percentage of teachers teaching English.

In 2001, the percentages of English teachers and French teachers were approximately 70 percent. Then, the numbers reduced in a simultaneous way. The percentage of French teachers has a fall to 51 percent in 2002 and continued to increase after. Nevertheless, there was a dramatic drop with the percentage of English teacher until 2003, just 40 percent at rest.

From 2003 to 2007, there was a slight fluctuation of the number of French teachers around 70 percent. With English teachers, the percentage went up so gradually from 40 percent to 42 percent. Until 2005, it went down quickly to 28 percent in 2007. So, there was an obvious difference in numbers at this time.

thanks for reading, can you give me some comments, i hope i can enhance my score!

jalp 13 / 34 7  
Mar 22, 2019   #2
Hope this could help.

First paragraph gave too much information about the graph.
Usually, you re-phrase the title and then write the obvious changes without telling it one by one.

I also noticed that you explained this graph by year, and that was good.

The last paragraph was a bit confusing. You wrote 2003-2007 on french and then divided the English teachers into different sentences in which that made me confuse for a few seconds.

Overall, it was a good writing.

Hope you pass your exam !

Home / Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 : The employment of the first-year teachers in Ontario from 2001 to 2007