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IELTS Task 1; Employment patterns of females and males in Britain!


Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Feb 12, 2015   #1
The two pie charts provide a breakdown information of the employment patterns of Great Britain, in 1992. Both charts were measured in percentage. If analyzed, the data suggest that male superior than women when it comes to Managerial and Professional and Craft or similar, while the woman had an advantage of General laborers, Clerical or related, other non-manual and manual.

When it comes to males in 1992, specifically, Managerial and Professional, they possessed 36 percent, whereas this value is higher than a woman's one for 7 percent. Clerical or related had another story, the opposite gender of male experienced 31 percent, but the male had only 6 percent. Other manual had the same story, women were recorded 27%, and this is 1 percent higher than a male's one. Both genders which are female and male, stood at 9 percent and 6 percent, when it comes Other non-manual. Male totally vanquished females if the story was about Craft or similar and General laborers, since a male had 24 percent and 2 percent, whilst the opposite sex had only 3 percent and 1 percent respectively.




tantadedanaan 6 / 11 11  
Feb 15, 2015   #2
Hi there!

I hope my comments can help you a little. Anyway, I can see that you forgot to write the main introduction of the pie chart aside from your own version. In that way, the reader can analyze if there is a redundancy with the introductory paragraph. The way you described the graph is very detailed that all the numbers are tackled. But one problem that I have seen is that you keep using the exact words over and over again that makes it look repetitive. In this issue I suggest that you use other synonyms or alternative words. For example, instead of using "percent" why not use proportion or percentage. Another example is about ''male and female'', you can change it to girl and boy or woman and man. Books like thesaurus can help you in familiarizing in other words that can be useful in your writing.

One more thing is, about how the way you compared the two graphs. You discuss both of them by simply saying there differences in percentage. I suggest that you should use other term to elaborate them. For example, in this sentence Other manual had the same story, women were recorded 27%, and this is 1 percent higher than a male's one.[/b]. This is my alternative sentence. Both genders had the same proportion in other manual area with almost half of the overall percentage was recorded.[b]. You can use half to describe 50% or quarter for 25% and so on.

Lastly, I think you do not have the conclusion for the whole task. Conclusion is one of the most important part of this test. It will make your writing complete and detailed.

Well that's all, I hope my advice can help you in your future test. Good luck and god bless :)


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