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IELTS TASK 2: Encouraging Children to Find Some Kind of Paid Work - controversial issue today.

aflah15 32 / 18 4  
Feb 20, 2016   #1
In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Persuading a job for children is being controversial today. Some argue that it is a false point of view because children's academic achievement can be disrupted, while others say that valuable knowledge is provided as they learn how to build attractive communication with many costumers. Although giving them an opportunity in working field disturbs their focus in school, I believe that it is more wisely to encourage and offer them an occupation.

It is assumed that entering working field for children aged below 18 is wrong since students have to focus on their skills in education. They should not work at the same time, due to the reason that people are not capable in multi-tasking, thus students cannot present their best capacity in academic performance if they have another duty. However, a recent study by Endsleigh found that children who worked part-time were immensely show great achievement in their school.

Priceless knowledge such as well time management and great socialist personality are the positive effects of having an experience as a worker in young age. Having an experience as a worker whilst still at school teaches children to be an independent person and having great time management skill. This effect can be shown in their independence and discipline when they finishing their assignments in the classroom since they learnt it in their working experience. For instance, a student who has a part-time job learnt how to make balance his time for studying and working, and then he applies it in his school when he has a lot of tasks. This results in handling all assignment very well.

In conclusion, even though allowing children to find a job is risky decision since their studying time can be reduced, it is better for their future as they have learnt communication ability which is not appropriately provided in school.
putri22 33 / 33 5  
Feb 20, 2016   #2
hi aflah, first of all i would say that overall, your writing is good but let me give you suggestion to make it better.

in the first body, i think the paragraph is not really coherence due to the last sentence. you mentioned the recent study that reverse your topic sentence. it would be perfect if you give statement to support your main idea. the opposite view can be written in the next paragraph.

that's all i hope it can help ..

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