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Writing task 2 : Encouraging young people to work or travel

Liliy 12 / 13 6  
Apr 15, 2015   #1
In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Nowadays, a great number of pupils have decided to find a job or go to travel as long as a year after graduated from junior high school before going to university. Therefore, this essay will examine the drawbacks and benefits from this argument.

As a matter of fact, young people may feel more tired so as to continue their education through university due to traveling. A survey conducted at Traveler magazine in 2012 revealed that 85 % of people who travel to other places face a hard day to undergo their schedule after traveling. As pupils are facing difficult situation, studying at university should be considered by young people to get better life.

Furthermore, pupils' ability have decreased gradually as they do not have properly preparation to continue their study. National research, conducted by Ministry of education in Indonesia shows that 70 % of pupils' ability experienced a slow decrease when they spend more time to travel without reviewing their subjects. As young students spend a lot of their time to go sightseeing, young people's ability may be faced with learning process in university.

However, some disadvantages will be faced pupils, a great number of benefits in traveling encourage to develop their mind. Firstly, they learn about new environment. It can affect them to have new knowledge and can educate them indirectly. Take traveling to wildlife in Africa as an example, when they visit it pupils will learn about endangered species such as lion and rhinoceros. Second of all, it is possible way for them to become volunteers in volunteers organizations. They have more experiences and new skills before studying at university. In addition, working in holiday time becomes the best way to earn much money.

In conclusion, it seems to me that although in a year pupils may spend their time in a work or go to travel with some drawbacks that influence themselves, working or traveling on postponing time will be more and more important for pupils to obtain much information before they continue their studies. Where possible, they will use this time to find more experiences as much as they can.

vbbrianna 1 / 2  
Apr 15, 2015   #2
Your paper is very detailed and organized! Just use better word choice!
jomi 2 / 4 1  
Apr 16, 2015   #3
Begin your essay with the topic sentence.
Then collect ideas about how this helps young people (adavantages) and write them in paragraphs in order to make the body of the essay. Theses paragraphs should consist of topix sentence of what you are going to write in them.

In the end, conclude what u have already written. I mean summary of your thoughts . Donot add anything new.
hope it helps:)

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