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How energy is used in Australia and the greenhouse gas emissions in total

Tommyzuklin 1 / -  
Oct 8, 2018   #1
I will be taken IELTS examination on first of December, please help me.
Thanks a lots.

This is

Writing task 1 - Test 1 - Cambridge 10.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in a average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

First chart: Heating (42%), water heating (30%), other appliances (15%), refrigeration (7%), lighting (4%) and cooling (2%).
Second chart: Heating (15%), water heating (32%), other appliances (28%), refrigeration (14%), lighting (8%) and cooling (3%).

The charts described the percentage of different energy types was used by household in Australia and its greenhouse gas emissions polluted to environment.
Overall, the top kind of energy was spent, have created the top percentage of greenhouse gas emissions in total, such as heating and water heating.

Looking at the both pie charts, the power heated water accounted for 30% which created the highest percentage of carbon dioxide (CO2), leading of greenhouse gas, at 32%. Following by the rate of emission from other appliances was 28% while the energy was consumed by them stood at the third place in list. It was counter-intuitive with spending power on heating which was used the most, nevertheless, their pollution made up only 15%. The rank of being made carbon dioxide was followed by refrigeration and lighting which was responsible for 14% and 8%, respectively, the proportion of power which used for them, have made up 7% and 4%. The brightest point was percentage of energy for cooling, it was lowest in list at 2% and made only 3% gas emissions to the environment.

idrees278 2 / 2  
Oct 9, 2018   #2
in writing IELTS WRITING TASK, you should have four paragraph first paragraph should be introduction and your opinion, the second and third paragraph shoud be the reasons and some good prove and the last paragraph of your topic must be a conclusion. unfortunately i didn't see any conclusion in your topic, please write a conclusion and write and introduction topic too.
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,041 2728  
Oct 9, 2018   #3
Tom, you need to learn to better separate you paragraphs in order to create a clear presentation of the facts. You are expected to present 4 paragraphs of descriptive and analytical information coming from the 2 pie charts. You lumped all the discussions into one paragraph which, although meeting more than the minimum word count, left the reader confused, unable to match the data you presented, and without a clear understanding of what you are trying to say. This is not a good essay at all.

You failed to present a clear summary overview, your trending statement was not clear nor understandable, and your grammar problems all lead up to this essay getting a failing score. You need to improve your presentation in order to get a chance at a better score.

For the summary overview, you failed to indicate the type of chart presented, the measurement used, and the sections that are represented in each pie chart. Your trending statement should have been a one liner stand alone sentence at the most for this presentation. Although the trending statement will get you a better score if you combine it as part of the summary overview.

Each pie chart needs its own discussion. That way the reader, who you are to assume does not have access to the chart, will be clear on what is being discussed and how the information is presented. Comparison points are also missing in your presentation. The fourth paragraph could have represented the areas where there are similar or close to similar sets of information such as water heating having similar numbers for greenhouse gas emissions and energy use at 32 and 30 percent respectively.

This is an analytical essay so you do not need a concluding paragraph. Do not make that mistake. A concluding paragraph is only required in opinion discussions within Task 2 essays. It is not required for the information presentation based Task 1 essay. The above advice that was offered by Idrees covers Task 2 essays and is not applicable at all to Task 1 essay writing. The requirements for the two essays are as different as night and day so you should not confuse the Task 1 writing style for the Task 2 writing style which is far more intricate in terms of writing requirements.

Please refer to the other Task 1 essays written and posted at this forum to learn how to better approach this type of writing. There are several types of measurement presentations for discussion. Each type has a specific discussion style, I suggest that you learn these discussion styles and apply what you have learned to your future essays.

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