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IELTS Task 1: England tourists who visit Bringhton attraction


Hadiyati Fudla 9 / 14 3  
Apr 6, 2016   #1
The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton

A breakdown of the England visitors percentage who visited Brighton attractions between 1980 and 2010 as a projected year, a 3-decade period, is highlighted in the line graph. Overall, all of the figures fluctuated markedly over the span, unless for festival. In any case, two attractions rose in their guests while the others saw the reverse.

Pavilion and pier were the attractions accuring an increse rate in Briton during the period. In 1980, pavilion stood its rate at a quarter, while pier was the lowest rank with just one in ten. In the next 15 years, pavilon's visitors reached a peak at 48% and suddenly decreased to 30%. Otherwise, peir steadily incresed to 22% as its peak over the span.

The last two figures which experienced decline proportion were festival and art gallery. These number tood at 30% and just over a fifth respectively. While the festival only dropped in a slightly decrease by nearly 2%, art galery witnessed the reverse by 14% reduction.

akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Apr 6, 2016   #2
Hi Fudla..
I am serious that you do not provide a chance for me to give a large number of suggestions because you did not attach a picture of your writing. I would give a few suggestions about your grammar.

A breakdown of the England visitors percentage who visited Brighton attractions SITES between 1980 and 2010 as a projected year, a 3-decade period, is highlighted in the line graph. Overall, all of the figures fluctuated markedly over the span, unless for EXCEPT THE festival. In any case, two attractions PLACES rose in their guests while the others saw the reverse. (PLEASE, YOU SHOULD AVOID REPETITION)

THE ALTERNATIVE SENTENCE: MOREOVER, THE RATE OF GUESTS FOR TWO DISTINCT PLACES IN BRITAIN TENDED TO ESCALATE YEAR BY YEAR, WHILE OTHER SITES WITNESSED A REVERSE TREND.

I REMEMBER YOU AGAIN THAT YOUR WRITING SHOULD INCLUDE THE DIAGRAM.
liv_ryu 13 / 22 6  
Apr 7, 2016   #3
Hi Hidayati, please ensure that you have to attach the picture when you want to upload
There are several suggestions for you:
1. Ensure your spelling correctly
2. Put a period in the third sentence,in the course of 30 years .
For example :

These number s tood at 30% and just over a fifth respectively.
... in a slightly decrease by nearly 2%, art gal lery witnessed the reverse by 14% reduction in the course of 30 years .


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