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'entering society' - Work/travel between high school and study at university


qingsong 3 / 5  
Mar 20, 2011   #1
Hi, all,
I am new here, glad to join you, and this is my first essay, could you please give me some comments? Thanks.

topic:
In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and staring university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

My essay:
Nowadays, an increasing number of students choose to enter universities after graduating from high school. However, some people claim that student should have one year's working or traveling experience before they start their university lives. In my opinion, such kind of experience is good to young people with minor disadvantages.

Young people is able to obtain many things from this one year's life. First, they have been studying since entering primary school, under the protection provided by schools, most of them have few chances to contact real society and meet various kind of people. One year's social practice will make them get more mature and establish their own perspective of world. Furthermore, they will get to know what do they need and what are their real interests, which is very important for their subject selection in college. Second, for most adolescences, universities are not opened for free, they have to pay for their studies. One year's working can make them have their own saving, which will releasing financial burden of their families and also make them economic independent.

On the other hand, entering society before enrolling higher schools has a few defects. Initially, after graduating from high school, people are not strong enough both in physical and spirit plus short of working experience and skills that they can not work under pressure. Moreover, adolescences tend to just have a fun and enjoy landscape during traveling, therefore they may forget the knowledge they get through hard working before, that will be an obstacle in the path of further study.

Overall, each coin has double sides, although social practice before going to university has several disadvantages, it has numerous advantages as well. I would prefer to work or travel for one year and then continue further study in college.

Y529 2 / 6  
Mar 21, 2011   #2
Hi,Quanfu Li, I think your structure of essay is good.

here are some minor grammar problems:

1...their own perspectives ...
(I think 'perspective' here means 'a way of thinking about something', plus -s is better)

2...they will get to know what do they need and what are their real interests are ...

3...important for their subjects selection in college

4...both in physical(adjective)and spirit(noun)
maybe 'and' conncect the same form of words ?
OP qingsong 3 / 5  
Mar 21, 2011   #3
Thank you very much.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Mar 23, 2011   #4
Great thread!

Okay, I want to talk about the word "defects." A defect is usually a problem with a product. If I buy a computer and a part is missing, that is a defect. A better word to use here is drawback. A drawback is an unfortunate side-effect of something:

On the other hand, entering society before enrolling in higher schools education has a few drawbacks. defects .

Initially, after graduating from high school, people are not strong enough both in physical and spirit spiritually, and they are short of working experience and skills...

Overall, each coin has double two sides, and although ...
:-)
OP qingsong 3 / 5  
Mar 24, 2011   #5
Kevin, thanks for your help.


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