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ichatea07 27 / 24 10  
Jan 21, 2016   #1
The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

These days, when life challenges become tougher, the necessity of electronic media turns it to be extremely important as it could help people gaining information and entertainment. However, media tends to inform entertainers' lives and relations regardless of who they are, whether they are known as actors, singers, or football athletes. In this case, I agree that media programme management should communicate more about ordinary people's lives because of some reasons.

A number of viewers who stay on the celebrity information usually reason like these below. First, they have suffered from rush hours and stressful duties at work, so they only want TV channels which are entertaining, or it means out of thoughtful shows. For instance, watching what are new in their idols will be exciting for them despite news and discovery channels. Secondly, they are interested on imitating celebs' styles. That is why they enjoy any information that publishes brands the celebs are loyal to.

Contrarily, in my perspective, media officers should reduce their preferences to expose artists and athletes' lives, except the momentous info. Instead of it, it seems more beneficial to acknowledge the true lives of normal persons from variety of job fields. To illustrate, broadening knowledge about a farmer's life will bring positive outcomes for more people. Society can be more respectful to agricultural products after seeing how difficult the farmers grow plants and maintain them. Therefore, paying attention to other occupation doers is more essential in life.

In brief, although entertainment which mostly reveals artists' ways of life is helpful to refresh minds, opening up reality of humble lives, such as that of the lower income achievers, will be more purposeful in life. Related to this, I suggest that media should counterweight entertaining programmes and informative, actual news.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 21, 2016   #2
Annisa, your introductory paragraph is unclear. You have not successfully restated the prompt thesis and your outline of the discussion doesn't really make much sense. Try to refine the introduction so that it reflects the two points of view that will be discussed in the essay. Then clarify your point of view with an indication that all of the aspects you have just presented will be discussed in the succeeding paragraphs.

While the rest of the essay does contain grammatical errors, I have to point out that the errors still allowed you to express your message / idea / opinion regarding the topic being discussed. Each paragraph is developed with a sense of clarity that can be worked through by the examiner had this been an actual test. I want to specially mention the way that you remembered to present your personal opinion as a separate, stand alone paragraph. Where most people would bundle that into the conclusion, you wrote the essay perfectly in the sense that you bothered to develop your opinion paragraph before you closed the essay with an understandable conclusion. So congratulations on doing something really well in the essay that could help you achieve a better score come test time :-)