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An enthusiasm level after two new music sites emerged on the web


fadhilmd25 41 / 75 11  
Nov 10, 2016   #1
The graph represents the information of visitors who search upon two latest music websites in two weeks. Overall, the both figures show upward trends whereas the web users more preferred to access pop parade rather than music choice.

To begin, the difference gap between pop parade fans outweigh the number of musical lovers who started at 40000, by 80000. For the next 3 days, while web visitors who accessed music preferences decreased to half, raised up to 60000 and back again to 20000, the pop parade seemed remained constant and fell gradually at 4th day. It continued to step down to 60000 and then slight rose before sharply decreased by approximately 20000, which had been followed by musical enthusiasm in the end of the first week.

The second weeks showed uprising level of web users who visited pop parade to reached 1600000, even though the numbers did remain stable between 12 and 13 days, whereas musical viewers firstly fluctuated during early 4 days before the number increased dramatically to 1200000 and reduced sharply about 40000 viewers.




abangabul93 15 / 27  
Nov 11, 2016   #2
Hai @fadhilmd25, I got some advice for your writing:

1. To begin, the difference gap between pop parade fans ... (between --> and, for me this sentence is not clear)

2. the pop parade seemed remained (double verb, you can write " REMAINS) constant and fell (FALLS) gradually at 4th day.

3. It continued (S) to step down to 60000 and then slight rose (RISES SLIGHTLY) before sharply decreased (DECREASING SHARPLY) by approximately 20000

*pay attention on your tenses. According to picture, there is no information about the year, so you have to use simple present in your writing)


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