Duc, I will not give you a score for this essay because you did not accurately follow the prompt instructions. You have to remember, the IELTS test is designed to test your ability to ready, understand, and follow a given set of instructions for the discussion of a particular topic. In this essay, the main requirement for the discussion was to discuss both sides and give your opinion within the body of paragraphs. You neglected to present your personal opinion after a discussion of the two sides. Therefore, the essay did not follow the prompt requirements and will receive a low score. I would not say it would fail in totality, but , with the TA score being considered, there is no way that the essay will pass that first criteria. As such, the rest of the scores to be given will also be low.
In terms of content, your paragraphs are held back from properly developing the discussions and complex sentences because you are trying to discuss too many reasons all at once. What you have to do is just pick one reason, the strongest one that you can defend, then fully develop that paragraph. Pay particular attention to your tense usage. For example there is an error in :
industries are still considerably relied on fossil fuel energy
The correct statement would be:
... industries are still considerably reliant
Reliant is the present tense form of the word relied. You need to brush up on your skills in that section of English usage.
Then, there is the problem of your misuse of certain English terms that will lower your LR score:
is how to remain the economy growth rate
The proper presentation is:
... how to sustain
Of course, there is still the lack of personal opinion in the essay that needs to be addressed. Without it, the essay is incomplete and does not follow the prompt requirements. This makes it obvious that you have not discussed the essay in the required format. Therefore, the essay may not get a passing score in the end. If you honestly want a score, I think it will most likely be a 4.