Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

'Environment pollution' - Name a global issue that concerns you and explain why


collegebound118 1 / -  
Jan 11, 2008   #1
Hello.. I really need help with my essay. I have been studying in another country for six months and my writing skills aren't as good. Could you please read my essay and give me some feedback. Thank so much!

Name a global issue that concerns you and explain why.

A global issue that most concerns me is the issue concerning global warming. The reason why I consider global warming to be a global issue is because global warming has harmful effects on our environment. Global warming is also a huge issue for every country around the world. Global warming will also become a major issue for later generations in the near future. It affects us all in many ways.

Global warming has very harmful effects on our environment. It not only affects mankind but also animal and plant life. There has been a lot of habitat destruction over the years from our poor judgment on how to care for our environment. There are many animals dying, thus, the result of animal extinction.

Global warming, in my opinion, is the number one global issue. It affects everyone in every country around the world. As a global community we all contribute to the issue concerning global warming, such as, the depletion of the ozone layer, air pollution, and water pollution. These are just a few of the many issues that we are responsible for contributing to global warming.

Global warming will continue to be a major issue for later generations. It is said, by research scientists, that global warming is projected to continue at an unprecedented rate. But, if we start to preserve energy, improve our forests and cut back on the use of greenhouse gases, now, global warming will not be as big of an issue as it is today. If we continue to do nothing the results later on will be devastating.

In conclusion, if we do not stop polluting our environment and start devising new strategies to promote a healthier environment, the issue of global warming will continue on into later generations. By then, global warming would have grown into an even greater issue. Not only for human life, but for animal and plant life also. Our environment, animals, plants, water and air are all essential parts of our way of life. Until we can come together as a society to help put an end to the ongoing cycle of global warming, it will continue to worsen and become an issue that is uncontrollable.

EF_Team2 1 / 1,708  
Jan 12, 2008   #2
Greetings!

I think you've written a good essay! One thing you might want to be aware of that would improve your writing is using too much repetition. For example, you use the word "global" seven times in the first paragraph. There are ways around that, such as varying word choice or restructuring the sentence a little. For example:

A global issue that most concerns me is global warming. The reason why I consider this a global issue is because it has harmful effects on our environment. Global warming is a huge issue for every country around the world and will become a major issue for later generations in the future.

This, from the third paragraph, was repetitive of what you stated in the first paragraph: "Global warming, in my opinion, is the number one global issue. It affects everyone in every country around the world." While I understand that you were probably trying to present, in your opening paragraph, the points you would make in the following paragraphs, you should do it without using the same wording later in the essay, to provide more interest to your reader.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com


Home / Writing Feedback / 'Environment pollution' - Name a global issue that concerns you and explain why