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IELTS: Is environmental damage evitable if a country is developing?


Scientiana 12 / 43 10  
Apr 13, 2011   #1
Pleas help me to correct and improve this essay. Thanks in advance.

Topic: Pollution and environmental damage are inevitable results when a country is developing and growing its wealth. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true to say that the global warming, which is one of the main issues these days, is caused by pollution and other environmental damage. Some people hold the belief that the impacts on the environment cannot be avoided when a nation is getting richer and deriving.

While a country is improving its economy, a large sum of money will be invested in industries. Therefore, many trees will be cut as more land is needed to build houses, factories and to cultivate crops. In fact, cutting down trees can damage the environment severely because trees are lungs of the earth. Moreover, as a nation is getting wealthier, more people travel to other countries or places by airplanes and drive their own cars instead of using the public transports such as buses and trains. As a result, air pollution happens because it is caused by cars and airplanes. In addition, as people in a rich country generally have a desire to keep up with new and modern things, they throw out the old ones, which are still usable. Consequently, the amount of rubbish in the world will increase dramatically.

Although environmental problems are serious, there are several solutions to solve them. Firstly, the government has to educate their people about pollution and environmental damage, so as to prevent further harm to the environment. Secondly, the government must limit the number of trees that can be cut and they have to grow more trees in the park and along the roads.or streets. Additionally, people should use various types of public transports or walk from one place to another, in order to reduce air pollution. Also, the government ought to improve the quality of public transports by making them more comfortable and more affordable, so people will enjoy using them. Furthermore, citizens and the government must have a recycling programme by recycle glass, paper, cans and other recyclable materials. In this way, the amount of rubbish will decline.

Taking everything into account, I strongly believe that pollution and environmental damage is avoidable if both the government and people co-operate and take parts in protecting the environment. As soon as all these solutions are put into actions, environmental problems will be solved, no matter how much a country is developing and growing its wealth.

Panda271 3 / 11  
Apr 13, 2011   #2
Here are my comments:

theG lobal warming

As a result of increase in cars and airplanes, the air pollution happens because it is caused by cars and airplanes. becomes more and more polluted.

they throw out the old ones, which are still usable.
waterolily 2 / 3  
Apr 13, 2011   #3
Hi, a little suggestion to help you expand your points, hope it helps:

"Firstly, the government has to educate their people about pollution and environmental damage, so as to prevent further harm to the environment." (you may consider education may lead to increased awareness and teaches the people on some ways to reduce pollution and environment damage)

"Secondly, the government must limit the number of trees that can be cut and they have to grow more trees in the park and along the roads or streets." (Some countries actually make compulsory growing of trees as part of any construction or developing plan eg Singapore)

"Additionally, people should use various types of public transports or walk from one place to another, in order to reduce air pollution. Also, the government ought to improve the quality of public transports by making them more comfortable and more affordable, so people will enjoy using them." (you may consider elaborating how exactly use of public transport reduces air pollution eg reduce carbon monoxide emissions etc)
OP Scientiana 12 / 43 10  
Apr 14, 2011   #4
Hi, Jam Lui, Ngo Thi Kim Khnung and Hui Li. Thank you very much for your valuable feedback.
findthetime 5 / 9  
Apr 15, 2011   #5
Hmm..my own opinion...
I think the topic need you to answer agree or not,and illustrate why in logic.
So it's all about why but not how...I think

But the third paragraph is all about the solution...
Don't you think it's a little bit off the point?

personal idea...hope it could help you
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Apr 15, 2011   #6
You write very well! And thank you for all the great help you have been giving people. :-)

Here is a little error:
Taking everything into account, I strongly believe that pollution and environmental damage is are avoidable if both the government and people co-operate and take parts in protecting the environment.---There are 2 things, so use "are."

Also, whenever you write an essay the end of the first paragraph is like the sharp point at the tip of the sword. Use that spot for a sentence that tells the main idea of the essay. I think you should add that powerful sentence to the end of the first paragraph.
OP Scientiana 12 / 43 10  
Apr 17, 2011   #7
Hi Ting, thank you for your suggestion. However, in my third paragraph, I wrote all about solutions because I want to show that pollution and environmental damage are avoidable.

Hi Kevin, thank you for your correction.


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