Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0] - SERVICES
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Environmental issues are caused by human's activities. Task 2 (practice): "improving environment"


azmi23 17 / 28 3  
Aug 30, 2016   #1
please help me to develop stronger ideas or paragraphs. my pleasure having your suggestions and critics. thanks!

Q: individuals can do nothing to improve the environment. Only large companies and businesses can make a difference.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Environmental issues are caused by human's activities. As a consequence, every person in this planet is responsible to take an action of change. I truly believe that not only industries can make an improvement, but also humankind are the most matter.

Big companies deal with this situation by giving public services called Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR). Their programs usually provide social campaigns and infrastructures, like disposal bins which are given to district that needs more attention regarding environmental issue. The movement covers large area within less duration of time. Whereas no one can assure the effectiveness for massive revolution in The Mother Nature.

In contrast, the human habit itself is the root problem of this devastating impact. Society was less likely aware of surroundings. Some of them still dispose garbage into a river or public places. However, a good attitude is persuasive. If there is a person who always throws rubbish in a appropriate place and asks the immediate family to do so, then they will enhance the commonsense in order to protect their environment. After that, this action will continue over different surrounding, such as their school, workplace, neighborhood, and greatly, other nations. In brief, every tiny action will make a huge impact to the earth. So always do positively to create a better effect also.

In conclusion, it is important that industries can produce massive action to cover large region with regard to increasing people awareness, but the most crucial one is the people who have to more common on their behavior that caused devastate effects on nature. Therefore, I strongly suggest that both segments (societies and industries) should cooperate to keep nature in balance.

Eric2750230 7 / 11 6  
Aug 30, 2016   #2
Hi there, you have quite an average command over English language and your essay is good enough to earn you about the range somewhere between 3 or 4 out of 9 in an IELTS exam. What I have noticed is that the essay does not flow from the top to bottom well and another thing is that you barely touched your point and your introduction and the body paragraph confuses the reader on which side of the argument you are on. You need to stay up with an argument and make your point by giving out reasons and relevant examples from personal experiences or whatsoever and lastly, you have a lot of sentence structure and grammatical errors and here are few:

Environmental issues are caused by human's activities. As a ...

The humanity as a whole is responsible for the environmental problems, and therefore we need to take the responsibility to completely eradicate or at least curb the environmental pollution. I believe that not only do the multi-national corporations can create a suitable environment for us to live in, but we the society as a whole

Whereas, no one can

In conclusion, it is important that industries can produce massive ...

To conclude, the 'big-corporations' around the world can take necessary steps to alleviate the environmental problem by increasing awareness through advertisements and campaigns so that people cooperate with them in the environmental cause, thereby create a suitable environments for people to live in.

Just one more point to add,"practice makes it perfect", keep practicing and keep writing. cheers!
aidafitria18 9 / 14 1  
Aug 31, 2016   #3
Environmental issues are caused by human's activities. As a consequence, every person (i think it is better to change it into "human") in this planet is responsible ...

... industries can make an improvement, but also humankind are the most matter. (in adding information by "not only...but also" you have to make the statement equivalently).


Home / Writing Feedback / Environmental issues are caused by human's activities. Task 2 (practice): "improving environment"