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IELTS> Are environmental problems too big to be managed by individuals


the leaf ninja 9 / 28  
Jul 18, 2011   #1
Hi everyone, please correct my writing in terms of grammar, vocabulary, cohesion and task fulfillment. Any help is always appreciated.

Topic: Nowadays environmental problems are too big to be managed by individual persons or individual countries. In other words, it is an international problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Most people in the world have become aware that the environment is a serious issue. In recent years, many believe that because environmental problems are too enormous for individual persons and individual nations to handle, they should be considered international problems. However, I partly agree and partly disagree with this statement.

First, critics of the idea that the environmental problems can only be solved if they are taken to an international level of activity may argue that each individual people can contribute significantly to reduce the impacts of human activities on the environment by a variety of measures. For example, by recycling more and driving or flying less, a person can reduce his personal carbon footprint which helps to curb air pollution. In addition, on a national level, each government can put taxes on carbon emissions or higher taxes on gasoline so that people and companies will have greater incentives to conserve energy and pollute less. This is believed an effective method to prevent the environment being worse.

However, on an international scale, the world governments can cooperate to fight against the environmental problems. One approach is by joining the Kyoto Protocol which is an agreement between countries that they will cut back on carbon dioxide emissions. This is also a crucial method to tackle the problems related to environment issue and has been approved by many nations around the world.

All things have been considered, in my view, although countries around the globe can joint together to reduce the impacts of human activities on the environment, but individual persons and individual countries can still make a tremendous contribution to the fight against environmental problems.
learner26 4 / 7  
Jul 18, 2011   #2
many believe that because environmental problems are too enormous for individualspersons and individualeven a nation to handle,

However, I partly agree and partly disagree with this statement. <--?

Remarks:
I am not sure if TASK 2 essay would be good when it sounds personal (eg: i , my view) . Please enlighten me.
OP the leaf ninja 9 / 28  
Jul 18, 2011   #3
Thanks for the correction, learner26!

I believe that it is OK to use I and in my opinion or in my view as long as you use them infrequently to state your personal view in order to answer the question. That is because you are asked to do so. I have already checked with some model answers, they use I and us and my own view too. I think it is not so important and will not severely affect your mark in a negative way.

Cheers
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jul 20, 2011   #4
However, I partly agree and partly disagree with this statement.---------At the end of the first paragraph, this is insufficient. It IS sufficiant for the ietls (probably), but when you write an advertisement or a professional letter, I want you to sum up your WHOLE MESSAGE in a single sentence at the end of the first paragraph.

That is most important.

... can contribute significantly to reducing the impacts of human activities on the environment by a variety of measures. -----This was a long, complicated sentence. I think your essay should only include 1 or 2 sentences like this. They are really not easy sentences to read. (I made a small grammatical change to this one.)

Do it like this:
All things have been considered, and in my view, although countries around the globe can join together to reduce the impacts of human activities on the environment, individual persons and individual countries can still make a tremendous contribution to the fight against environmental problems.

Again, I made some small changes.

:-)
OP the leaf ninja 9 / 28  
Jul 20, 2011   #5
Hi Kevin, your feedback is always helpful to me. Thanks a lot.
OP the leaf ninja 9 / 28  
Jul 20, 2011   #6
I made a few changes to my introduction, please tell me if it is better or worse,

Most people in the world have become aware that the environment is a serious issue. In recent years, some people may think, because environmental problems are too enormous, they should be considered as international problems. I believe higher level of activities should be carried out to solve these problems but I also think individual persons and individual countries are still able to help protecting the environment.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jul 22, 2011   #7
Most people in the world have become aware that the environment is a serious issue.

Take out the words that do not help to add meaning to the sentence:
Most people have become aware that the environment is a serious issue.

In recent years, some people may think that because environmental problems are enormous they should be considered international problems.

I believe higher level of activities should be carried out to solve these problems, but I also think individual persons and individual countries are still able to help protecting protect the environment.

:-)


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