Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, people have equal opportunities and enjoy the rights of studying and selecting courses at school. Although I agree with the view of gender equality, I disagree with the notion that academic institutions receive a balanced number of boy and girl students in each course of study in schools. The reasons will be explained in the following essay.
The main reason why I disagree with the view due to the fact that it is unrealistic. Each subject itself attracts different gender pupils. For example, female students are more interested in literature, while male students are more likely to select engineering as their major at universities. As students have distinct interests, which result in many courses occupying different gender ratios. This means that selecting subject matters is linked to a personal preference.
Furthermore, it against the rights of people receiving education. Educators should not choose students by their genders but by their talent. Otherwise, pupils might be required to study a subject which is not suitable for them. To illustrate, if a female student reaches the score to study mechanical engineering, it would be a mistake to refuse her application due to exceeding the female student numbers in the faculty. An impractical measure would affect universities to select candidates with potential talent, consequently, it also affects students' rights of learning.
In conclusion, despite having equal numbers of male and female students in every course might fulfill the belief of gender equality, both genders have diverse views when it comes to making a choice for their future studies. Thus, I believe it is hard to apply in the real world. (268 words)
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Your prompt paraphrase is inaccurate. You have offered information that is not in the original prompt. Due to the shortness of the prompt, it is clear that you are given more room in the introduction to focus on the presentation of your discussion topics, rather than a long representation of the discussion topic and implied reasons. Hence the proper paraphrase would have been:
These days, there is a developing discussion regarding the tertiary education of students. It is said that colleges and universities should use a balanced ratio of men and women students in every major department. I do not agree with this suggestion as it goes against 2 of my beliefs about education. The first, is that education is a personal experience. The second, is that there students must be accepted in various courses based on talent and merit, rather than gender.
By clearly explaining that the original prompt merely made a statement, rather than making it appear that you were immediately asked to give a personal opinion by the original prompt, you are sticking to the information from the original, which is a requirement for the paraphrased presentation. Then, by offering a clear degree of disagreement with the statement based on your personal opinion, you will score higher in the TA section as your response opinion is not only clear, but supported by the discussion outline.
As for the first reasoning paragraph, you should close it on a better note. At the moment, the last sentence, about the personal preference, could use some examples or an example to prove your point of view. Remember that you are being asked to speak from personal experience or public knowledge, so an example at that point would prove useful.
In the second reasoning presentation, the last sentence also has a glaring LR error. You claim that is it an "impractical" measure. Impractical means; not useful. However, you are talking about something useful such as selecting candidates based on merit. So the word you are looking to use is practical, which means: useful. Such errors in word usage will have a lowering effect on your final LR score.
You closed the essay on an open ending. There is no actual conclusion. The proper conclusion would have at least a 2 sentence, 40 word summary of your previous topic, and 2 reasons before you close with the "hard to apply in the real world" sentence.