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It is equally important for the government and individuals for paying attention on healthy diet

hiimsandra 5 / 7 3  
Oct 30, 2017   #1
Some people think that governments should do more to make their citizens have a healthy diet. Others, however, believe that individuals should be responsible for their own diet and health.

Discuss both views and give our own opinions.

healthy diet in peoples' bill of fare

Nowadays, people have different views about the health take care. Some think the health care is the government's responsibility, while others see this as personal diet affair. However, I believe both government and individuals should equally pay attention to this issue. This essay will discuss both notions with explanations involved.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that the government have obligation to provide complete perception of healthy diet. The government can give some suggestion on organic agriculture, providing farmers to cultivate better crops. Besides, the government can also improve the sanity facilities, giving clean water for household use. For example, Taiwan government holds workshops for local farming and ranching, owners of farms and cattle ranch learn the modern measures which can grow corps without using pesticides. Subsequently,the citizens enjoy the organic food by following the government's instruction.

On the other hand, it is indisputable that the individuals should take care their own diet. In order words, the health condition only is well known by ourselves. For stark instance, the patients who have high blood pressure know which food is much more proper for them. They cannot ingest too much fried food, meat and processed food. It is better for them to eat vegetables and fruits, such as onion, tomato, corn, apple and banana, etc. However, the patients with other disease have other diet list from nutritionists. As a result, individuals know their personal diet most, they should take care of their health by themselves.

By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position. I believe it is equally important for the government and individuals to response for paying attention on healthy diet. The government support to improve the food and environment quality while the individuals ingest the nutrient foods.

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My IELTS test is coming, please help me!!

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,674 2040  
Oct 30, 2017   #2
Sandra, Your opening statement shows that you have been learning how to properly paraphrase prompts. There is however, one tiny mistake that you made which would affect your score. Please be ever conscious of the fact that an opinion is never presented in the opening paraphrase as there is no room for you to explain your opinion in that paragraph. Aside from that problem, and the fact that you should have said "health care" instead of "health take care", the paraphrase could earn you a pretty decent TA score that could boost your chances to pass the test.

One other problem, is that your second paragraph does not discuss the responsibility of the government when it comes to promoting a healthy diet. You should not be discussing how the government should help the farmers in this instance. You should be discussing how the government should oversee the restaurants and their menus, offering healthier alternatives to the current slew of junk food being offered. This is, after all, an essay about diet considerations, not farmer cultivation problems.

Your third paragraph is on the mark. But you did not present a personal opinion as indicated in the essay. Always remember that the personal opinion is not considered part of the closing statement. That is always completely defended paragraph presented prior to your concluding statement. In this instance, the essay does not have a proper closing statement.

Now, as per points deductions, the problems I indicated above will have an overall effect on your TA score. Which means the TA score you will get for this essay will not be so high because of the problems that you have. Once the TA clocks in with a lower than passing score, it will be difficult for you to pass the rest of the requirements and the test in general.

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