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What essential skills young people should have in our complex society?


florazhou 5 / 24  
Apr 22, 2009   #1
Modern society has become more complex, so it is essential for the young people to have the ability to plan and organize - do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, there is ...

It is My rework one

2009-4-27 10:27
Modern society has become more complex, so it is essential for the young people to have the ability to plan and organize

There has been much public debate in recent years over what essential skills young people should have in our complex society. Contrary to the opinion of many people that young people should strive foremost for recognition, it is my heartfelt belief teenagers should hone their planning and organizing skills.

To start with, plan and organize abilities help students to master their time orderly and upward their study efficiency as while. A general survey among premium students conducted by officials demonstrates that the skill of plan their time assist them get good mark and still have time to enjoys their interests. For example, when to go to take courses, what time to go to library check out a book and where to see a movie? They all have a weekly schedule. For instance Monday learn Spanish from eight a.m. to ten a.m. Tuesday do exercise in the afternoon with Jim and on the weekend attend a promenade. Everything goes systematically.

Planning and organizing abilities help students to master their use of time, distribute it appropriately among their studies and improve their study efficiency as well. A survey of successful students conducted by school officials demonstrated that those who planned their time well got the highest grades, but still had time to enjoys their interests. Some examples of what to plan would be, when to take the courses, what time to go to the library and check out a book, and what extra time is available to see a movie. All of the successful students surveyed had a weekly schedule. A good schedule example is, Monday 8-10AM, learn Spanish, Tuesday exercise in the afternoon, and Saturday to Sunday attend a promenade. It is important hat everything is done systematically.

In addition, the skills of plan and organize are to young people what the foundation is to a skyscraper, water is to fish; the heart is to a human. These skills teach students know how to communicate with each other, how to work together and how to challenge themselves. the college is going to hold a ceremony. The student who has these capable will to assist the holder to plan and organize this activity He will work with his partner, since they have different tasks, sometimes they will work independently, and sometimes they help each other. During this process they need to communicate with each to complete both of their tasks perfectly. The more frequently they communicate, the more harmonious the relationship between them, and the more things they can learn from this mission. Such as who drew the posters, who contacted the supporters, and who make decision to invite which people. The youth who did not satisfied to be a participant can challenge himself by to be a organizer in this activity.

From what has been discussed above, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that the students are the future masters of the world. Only when Only when they have mastered the skills of planning and organizing, can they be confident to say they are fully prepared to manage the world The parents and the teachers should help students to realize the significance of plan and organize, and cultivate them to provide more chances for the young people to practice these abilities. And what is more, the greater these abilities the students have, the stronger a nation will be.
SairaTasartir 5 / 37  
Apr 22, 2009   #2
Hi Florazhou, I'll try to help with your first paragraph by quoting you and editing the quote. Here goes!

There has been much public debate in recent years over what essential skills young people should have in our complex society. Contrary to the opinion of many people that young people should strive foremost for recognition, it is my heartfelt belief teenagers should hone their planning and organizing skills.
OP florazhou 5 / 24  
Apr 22, 2009   #3
Thank you!Look foreward to see other parts!

Your suggestion are very helpful!

Thank you
michaelfrye1970 9 / 21  
Apr 22, 2009   #4
Leave out the extra words. "In addition, Finally"
"From what has been discussed" very wordy and passive. Condense it to something like "Through this discussion we arrive at the. . ."
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 22, 2009   #5
Hello! I picked up at paragraph 3, and here are some more fixes. Once you sort through all this, repost and we'll see how it looks!

In addition, the skills of planning and organizing are to young people what the foundation is to a skyscraper, water is to fish, the heart is to a human.

These skills teach students know how to communicate with each other, how to work together and how to challenge themselves.

We may point out the astonishing fact that the college is going to hold a ceremony.
How about, "Say, for example, the college was going to have a ceremony."The student who has the ability to plan and organize,will be able to assist in the activities.

Such as who drew the posters, who contacted the supporters , and who make decision to invitewhich people.

Finally, the society changes every second, becoming more complicated and challenging.the new complicated and challenged society that lead to, if the
If young people do not how to plan and how to organize, they cannot adapt very well.

Only when they have mastered the skills of planning and organizing, can they be confident to say they are fully prepared to manage the world.

The parents and the teachers should help students to realize the significance of good planning and organizational skills,and provide more chances for the young people to practice these abilities.

:)
OP florazhou 5 / 24  
Apr 22, 2009   #6
Dear Michael

Thank you for your suggestion

But without the word "in addition,finally"how can I build a clear structure of an essay?

Thank you !

Dear Kevin

Thank you for your advise.

when I sort through all this, I will repost the essay.

If I do not use the sentence like this "We may point out the astonishing fact that "like this

How can I conduct an Eg without use " for example","for instance" all over my eassy?

Thank you very much!

:)
babydoll 8 / 39  
Apr 23, 2009   #7
I thought you might add in the first paragraph (a comparison) the teenagers lifestyle compared to another age group life style. For example, an adult student has different lifestyle compared to young teenagers in our society.

Explain three pros and cons in supporting your debate for each side.

When I first read the 1st paragraph I thought there was going to be argument.

I'm getting back to writing again, so I hope that was helpful.
OP florazhou 5 / 24  
Apr 23, 2009   #8
Dear Teri
Thank you for your suggestion

I will consider that carefully

Hoping your writing again!
SairaTasartir 5 / 37  
Apr 23, 2009   #9
Hate to be picky, Kevin, but there are a couple things I caught from your post that should be fixed.

These skills teach students know how to communicate with each other

Rather... "These skills teach students how to communicate..." You don't need the "know" anymore.

and who make decision to invite which people.

Wouldn't this be better as, "who makes the decisions about whom to invite"?

If young people do not how to plan and how to organize,

--"If young people do not know how to plan and organize,"

The parents and the teachers should help students to realize

"Parents and teachers should..."

Florazhou--

But without the word "in addition,finally"how can I build a clear structure of an essay?

You're right-- they create good transitions.

How can I conduct an Eg without use " for example","for instance" all over my eassy?

You can use "If". eg-- "IF the school were to host a party" or something similar.

Babydoll--

I don't agree. If you add in a bunch of other comparisons, it will lose its focus as an expository essay. Right now it is focused on shedding light on how young students can be successful in school through organizing and planning. Adding in something about adults' lifestyles will only distract. Instead of three pros and cons, I think just three examples of how planning and organizing helps students in life is sufficient. It's true however, that the word "debate" sounds like there's going to be an argument, but I think the conclusion that it is recognition vs. planning and organizing skills completes that thought.

Hope this helps!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 23, 2009   #10
How can I conduct an Eg without use " for example","for instance" all over my eassy?

Those sentences are necessary sometimes; it's okay! I make stylistic corrections by cutting out fluff. Fluff is the stuff that does not serve much of a purpose but takes up a lot of room! So, much of it is a matter of opinion.

Some it not just opinion, though, like the first mistake that SairaTasartir mentioned, above:

These skills teach students know how to communicate with each other...

As for those transitions, they are necessary. If you are clever, though, you can minimize them. They are cumbersome, but they are necessary!
OP florazhou 5 / 24  
Apr 26, 2009   #11
If you are clever, though, you can minimize them. They are cumbersome, but they are necessary!

Dear Kevin
Thank you!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 27, 2009   #12
To start with, the abilities to plan and organize help students...

...that their ability to plan their time enables them to get good marks and still...

It is important that everything ...

In addition, the abilities to plan and organize are to young people what the...

If the college is going to hold a ceremony, the student...

manage the world.

This one is great!! Do you understand the corrections I made? You do not have many errors! :)
OP florazhou 5 / 24  
May 6, 2009   #13
Dear Kevin

Thank you very much,I understand the corrections ,they are really really helpful

Those days,I am busy preparing my baggages to go the University in the USA.

Anyway,I will keep writing!

THANK U! :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
May 6, 2009   #14
These days, I am busy preparing...

Awesome, see you when you get here! :)


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