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Ethical obligation forces our conscious to live to be worthy of trust. IELTS


hoffman_j 1 / 1  
Dec 10, 2014   #1
Hi All,

I have been practicing for IELTS for quite sometime and I will be writing the examination in two days 13th Dec. I was hoping to get some feedback on the essay below.

Thanks for looking into it.

A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions.
Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


* Trustworthiness and Integrity *

* What it takes and why it is so hard *

Ethical obligation forces our conscious to live to be worthy of trust. Trust is among the biggest achievement of individuals. Many say that, success will come and go, but integrity is forever. Trust is a tricky notion. Without trust, human relationships are hollow. Sometimes we are fooled by trusting wrong people and sometimes we trust the people we should not. Being trusted is also rewarding and satisfying, it increases our self esteem and worthiness.

Honour, kindness and trust are also called as integrity. Individuals and corporates are defined by integrity. Apple is preferred over Dell, Wipro, HP or HCL when comparing the product quality. Because Apple as a company has established the trust over the time by delivering great products and living upto their own standards.

Integrity is hard to come by, when compared to the temptation of succeeding by taking shortcuts. It takes great courage to stick to the principals and be rich and powerful at the same time. Consequently, people take shortcuts to be rich and successful. Great leaders like Mahatma Gandhi or Abraham Lincoln were known for unshakable integrity. They were driven towards great deeds not by temptation of being famous, but by need of changing the given circumstances.

Some say that gone are the days when serving for country or king was considered as one of the highest honours. Nowadays, money and power are respected over integrity and character. One's worth is measured according to the social status and material possessions because, we want to be benefitted by their influence. We live in a society where porn star is accepted an actor and rape vicim is not not even accepted as a human. Parents look for a rich and powerful groom for their daughter, in the hope of a better future for their daughter. Hence, we consider rich and powerful people more worthy.

In ongoing business affairs, serious friendships and our love relationships we seek people in whom we can trust. Although, we pretend to weigh an individual's worth by social stature. However, in reality humans are compelled to value integrity over social stature.
zigolf 2 / 3 1  
Dec 13, 2014   #2
Paragraph 1
"Many say that success will come and go, but integrity is forever."
- the comma should be eliminated.

Paragraph 3
"the social status and material possessions because, we want to be benefitted by their influence."
- the comma should be eliminated.
- "want to be benefitted" sounds strange. I'm not sure how to make it better. I think it may be these below.
'the social status and material possessions because we want getting some benefits through their influence."

Your language is good but paragraphing is not well-organised.
1st paragraph should introduce the essay with integrating all main ideas in short description.
But from my reading, that paragraph is telling about only trust, not what do you agree or disagree with the opinion.

Then, 2nd and 3rd paragraph ... you will say about main idea 1, main ideal 2, ... respectively.

Lastly, your ending paragraph is ok.
OP hoffman_j 1 / 1  
Dec 18, 2014   #3
ending paragraph is ok.

I really appreciate you taking your time out and looking into it. Thanks a lot for the feedback, I will try improve the essay by considering your feedback.


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