Hello,
Could you please read my essay and give me some feedback?
The prompt is:
Can you describe the parenting style that you were brought up with- was it really effective and what could have made it better?
Thank you in advance
Frederic
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Analyzing the parenting style that my parents employed with me is far from being a simple task. Indeed, the assessment of the very nature and extent of my parents' parenting style requires identifying and criticizing its essential elements in addition to the relations between them. By examining my parents' objectives, it will appear that the parenting style they utilized from my early childhood to my early adulthood was what seemed to be the best system for raising a first-born child. This is important because it may provide a deeper understanding of the evolutionary theory on parenting. The elements that are to be explored are associated with ethical and academic education in addition to emotional commitment.
First, my parents focused on the development of a set of standards of morality. That is to say that they kept stating that I had to behave "well". The sources to which they referred to were catholic principles and their prior practical experiences of relationships in society. For instance, I had to follow the biblical Ten Commandments although they highlighted the fact that lying was not always necessarily a bad thing in one's life because each situation should be appraised in relation to its idiosyncratic factors. Consequently, whether I liked it or not in those days, I finally started acting according to the moral code that they had designed for me. Since, hitherto, I have benefited from agreeable relations with most of the people to whom I have been acquainted and that I have never been involved in any issues associated with law enforcement, I deem that my parents have achieved their goals vis-ŕ-vis morality.
Second, as my parents were not graduated from high school and as both of them had to occupy two positions for providing for my two younger sisters and me, they especially valued academic achievement. They endeavoured to promote every single realization in school, whatever its actual worth may be. Furthermore, they incited me into working hard for succeeding in my academic life. For instance, they warmly supported me when I decided to take a competitive examination for entering into a high school of the French Defence Department when I was sixteen. Therefore, their behaviour concerning scholarship involvement not only helped me to land an exciting job as a test operator on the French main battle tank Leclerc for Giat Industries but also incited me into persevering into upgrading my command of the English language. Given that I have been studying at an online American college, I estimate that their parenting style concerning academic education was a success.
Third, despite their adverse socio-economic impediments in life, my parents' desire was that my affective life could become as healthy as their loving relationship. Through the exemplarity of their affectionate behaviour on a daily basis, they provided me with an emotional framework for dealing with love in a respectful, warm way. For instance, when I introduced my girlfriend to them and said that we wanted to cohabit, they sincerely welcomed my girlfriend and our decision to live together. Consequently, their demonstration of their loving feelings for me certainly participated in my emotional development in addition to the resilience of my present relation since my girlfriend has become my common-law wife. Since my common-law wife and I have happily had a joint household for seven years, I consider that my parents' parenting style concerning emotional and conjugal life is a complete achievement.
Finally, my parents' choices as regards parenting have had extensive consequences for my ontogenic development and minute effects on the phylogenic development of the human species. My parents' behaviour could be described as an "authoritative" style, such as defined by academic researchers as Supple and Small (2006). This model has been popularized in the mass media as the "consultant" parent by educational coaches such as Michael Riera, Foster Cline, and Jim Fay. Concisely presented, parents parenting their children in this manner are both highly supportive and controlling (Hastings, McShane, Parker, & Ladha, 2007), namely they enforce stringent standards of behaviour along with positive reinforcement. I am not in a position to contend that anything could have made it better because I deem that from an evolutionary point of view, they acted in what seemed the most appropriate manner given the conditions they faced in their ecological niche. Indeed, they satisfied my immediate physiological needs in addition to providing me with suitable behavioural tools to meet my physiological and somatic needs in my future life as an adult. Consequently, one could estimate that they have contributed to increase my reproductive success and, thus, play a part in the preservation of the phylogenic development of the human species.
Andrew J Supple, Stephen A Small. (2006). The Influence of Parental Support, Knowledge, and Authoritative Parenting on Hmong and European American Adolescent Development. Journal of Family Issues, 27(9), 1214-1232. Retrieved February 7, 2008, from Research Library database. (Document ID: 1142425001).
Paul D Hastings, Kelly E McShane, Richard Parker, Farriola Ladha. (2007). Ready to Make Nice: Parental Socialization of Young Sons' and Daughters' Prosocial Behaviors With Peers. The Journal of Genetic Psychology, 168(2), 177-186,188,190-200. Retrieved February 7, 2008, from Research Library database. (Document ID: 1365375561).
Greetings!
What an interesting approach to the topic of parenting! I have just a couple of suggestions for you:
Since I have benefited from agreeable relations with most of the people with whom I have been acquainted and have never been involved in any issues associated with law enforcement, I deem that my parents have achieved their goals vis-ŕ-vis morality.
Consequently, one could estimate that they have contributed to increasing my reproductive success and, thus, played a part in the preservation of the phylogenic development of the human species.
Great work!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
Hello Sarah,
First of all, I would like to thank you for your encouragements and all your hard work.
Moreover, I also need your point of view as regards my command of the English language. Indeed, I am in dire straits and I am wondering if I am sufficiently fluent in English in order to become a freelance writer for American newspaper and magazines. What is your point of view about this idea? Could you please stress the weaknesses in my written works? For example, is my vocabulary inappropriate for American readers? Is my English grammar improper? Furthermore, could you advise me on the modifications that I should undertake?
Thank you in advance
Frederic
Greetings, Frederic!
Your only problem may be that your English is TOO good for American newspapers and magazines! I believe that in every one of your essays I have read, I've had to go to the online dictionary to see whether a word you used was really an English word, or whether you had used it correctly in that context. And every time, you were correct! I have a very broad vocabulary, but you taught me some new words! :-))
To answer your questions specifically, if you have any weakness, it is only that you often use several words when one would do. Particularly when writing for mass media, one must keep things relatively simple. Second, your grammar is as good as most Americans; not the same as, necessarily, but as good as. By this I mean, when you do make the rare mistake, it is probably not the same type of mistake an American would make. Usually, it involves a word that should have an "ing" form, as here: "they have contributed to increase my reproductive success"; it should be "they have contributed to increasing..." A French friend of mine has told me that it is the "ing" words that confuse him the most in English grammar.
As far as modifications, my only advice would be what I tell many students: simplify. If there is a simpler way to put something, use it, rather than a long, complex way to say it. You are an excellent writer--one of the best I've seen on this forum, in fact! I would encourage you to try your hand at freelance writing, if that is what you want to do. You won't know if you will succeed until you try! There are sites which assist freelance writers to find writing jobs, or publications which are looking for freelancers. Try doing an internet search using "freelance writing jobs" and similar terms. And of course, you can go directly to the source--the magazine or newspaper. Their websites may contain sections with their writers' guidelines which will tell you how to go about submitting work or making proposals for work. You might also check out Writer's Market, which lists hundreds of publications, what types of writing they buy, and their guidelines.
I wish you the best in your endeavors! Please stay in touch!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
