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IELTS TASK 2 : Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity


amira11545 2 / 2 1  
Aug 8, 2019   #1

fundraising?



Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity. How far do you share this view point?

Raising funds is regarded as a valuable contribution to the society. However, it is controversial whether or not a steady amount of money should be handed out to charity. From my point of view, I strongly disagree with this opinion.

For a variety of reasons, I suspect that it would be inappropriate for everybody to fundraise. First of all, there is an overwhelming fact that each person makes different incomes. Some people make lucrative incomes from their occupations, whereas some people are living on a budget. As a matter of fact, it is without dispute that some people are not be able to give a donation of money when they are endeavoring to make ends meet.

Another drawback of this trend is that it is obviously ineffective since voluntary work is only meaningful when it derives from voluntary spirits. While the original meaning of charity is sharing with pleasure and bliss, fundraising should not be considered as a mission. Therefore, it should not be compulsory for everybody to make a contribution to charitable organizations. Furthermore, reality shows that there are a wide range of methods for people to involve themselves in charity works apart from donating money such as donating blood, participating in a charity run, selling discarded clothes and goods or even becoming an organ donor. Those are all considered to be effective and priceless contributions.

In conclusion, for above-mentioned reasons, I believe that donating a fixed amount of money should not be applied to every individual.
( 253 words )

Maria [Contributor] - / 630 247  
Aug 10, 2019   #2
@amira11545
Hi there. Thanks for being back here! I'm here to give feedback on this essay. I hope you find this useful for your learning endeavors!

Firstly, I appreciate the straightforward writing approach that you have in your essay. The first paragraph, in particular, was crisp and clear. Keep up this tone and manner of writing!

I do still suggest that you try to ensure the clarity of the academic tone of your language. For example, taking a look at your second paragraph, the transition between your sentences still need improvement due to the overwhelming structure that you had.

On the other hand, the second sentence was quite too packed with transitionary lines. Try to keep these things at a minimum to ensure a more fluid and organic delivery of lines.


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