What are the advantages and disadvantages of traveling?
In recent times, tourism generates a significant portion of national income for many countries, but it has certain drawbacks too
On the one hand, there are so many advantages of having overseas holidays for everyone, especially for the rich. First of all, they can spend time in other countries, which often has many differences in culture. For instance, most Vietnamese people are interested in going to Japan, which is the prettiest and cleanest city in Asia and has special customs, culture as well. Secondly, many tourists have good chances to improve the foreign language skill. It means that they can practice with the native speaker directly and get the picture about many idioms of the country they visit.
On the other hand, tourism also has some major disadvantages like destruction of popular tourist destinations and development of banned economic activities. Old buildings, temples and monuments struggle to cope with a lot of visitor's traffic and get damaged. Also, the large number of tourists can cause environmental problems. For example, when places of interest are overcrowded, natural resources often become over utilised.Additionally, the presence of a considerable number of tourists with a lot of money to spend, and often carrying valuables such as electronic devices and phones, increases the attraction for the environment.
In conclusion, despite having some disadvantages , I still recommend everybody should go travel since there are many clear advantages that it provides.
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The first penalty that will applied to this writing pertains to the lack of word count. Out of the 250 minimum, you only provide an essay of 235 words. So the essay will begin its scoring mark with major deductions, without even considering the incomplete prompt restatement at that. Your prompt restatement does not properly represent:
- The topic
- Reason for the discussion
- Discussion instructions / question response.
The prompt restatement is always composed of a minimum of 3 sentences. You only used 1 incomplete sentence, that even had a missing punctuation mark at the end. So there are immediately 2 deductions at the very start:
- Prompt restatement inaccuracy
- GRA errors
Your summary conclusion is also only 23 words out of the suggested 40 words or 2 sentences for that section. You do not really reiterate the topic, your opinion, and supporting reasons in the end, which is the whole point of the reverse paraphrase section at the end.
I think instead of "too", it's better to use "as well" for your essay.
And some words and sentences can be rewritten:
1. "so many advantages": several obvious advantages
2. "First of all, they can spend time in other countries, which often has many differences in culture." can be written like this "First of all, spending holidays or day-offs in other countries enables people to extremely experience distinctive cultural attractions."
You can also put some more adj and adv in the sentences to make your essay more attractive.