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Everyone should receive education on a field which is totally interested, without any gender barrier


Weevil 1 / -  
Jul 26, 2016   #1
Hello i'm new here, my name is View from Thailand. I tried to write an essay for Ielts exam but I'm not sure it's okay or not. Could someone check and correct it for me please. Thank you in advance.

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. (IELTS PART2)

Nowadays, male and female can reach education equally, especially in developed and some developing countries. Although some people say that female should be more supported in academic environment, i strongly believe that everyone who has right qualification and willing to study in university should be accepted by university no matter what are they gender.

Admission to the university should be concerned qualification of enrollee, for example, the previous academic degree, the score of their admission exam, G.P.A. or age. University ought to accept the students who qualified the subject. Each student not only has dissimilar qualifications but also keen on different subject. In general, what students are interested to study is affected by gender. An illustration of this is in some types of subject such as Engineering, information Technology and Sport Science, male is more interested in than female. On the other hand, Nurse, Business Management and accounting are more attracted by female than male.

Even if in some parts of the world men are received education more than women, for instance, some countries in Africa and Asia, it is difficult to encourage women to enroll to attend university. Since their family do not have money to pay for tuition fee and lack of opportunity to receive fundamental learning therefore thy are not familiar with academic environment. Accordingly, the university cannot accept women in the same numbers as men.

In conclusion, university should more consider in modifications of the students who enroll in school rather than their sex, what is more, everybody in every part of the world should be received education on a field the are totally interested without gender barrier.

giangnt248 2 / 8 2  
Jul 26, 2016   #2
Hello View! I see that your essay is quite good in terms of right grammer. However, there remains still some of unexpected errors you can check again and the usage of certain words. In addition, you should practice more and more with all of your concerted efforts, especially your vocalbulary to improve your ability to replace normal words with academic or formal ones, which leads to higher score , about >band 6 if you want to achieve.

Here are some of your grammer errors i will be pleased to point out for you. Nevertheless, you had better learn as many academic words as possible in a large range of topics before starting your writing. It is gonna very hard within the first instants, but don't worry because: PRACTICES MAKE YOU PERFECT! :)

NowadaysIn present times will be more formal , male and female can reach education ...
... everyone who has right qualification and be willing to study in university should be accepted by universityWhy don't you replace this word into another one to avoid repeated errors? For instance: college no matter what are they their gender.

University ought to accept the students who qualified the subject. You need to check this word for its right formula again. My modification: possess adequate qualification in ...

... men are received education more than women,for. For .... instance, some countries in (...) to encourage women to enroll to attendin university.

... students who enroll in school rather than their sex, what is more,. What is more, everybody in every part of the world ...

You need to also be aware of your marks used in writing like the punctuation without which you will be given a very low mark!

Hope you better!
justivy03 - / 2,371 607  
Jul 26, 2016   #3
Hi View, well, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, we hope you find this website to be helpful as well as useful to your writing projects. IELTS is indeed a task that is not only challenging but also very rewarding, it teaches you how to be effective in exercising the English language and learn different strokes that will help you or assist you in coming up with a well written essay.

Further to your essay, I must say that it is fairly written, you also received a comprehensive feedback and review here from a few of the EF contributors and I hope you can follow through. Remember, however, that this is basically suggestions that we think will enhance your essay and you will be confidently submit it to the panel or your IELTS examiner.

Now, I also have a few suggestions for the last couple of paragraphs of your essay;

- Even if in some parts of the world men are received education more than women, for instance,However, men are seen to have received better education than women, some

- to enroll toand attend university.
- SinceMost of their

- In conclusion, universityuniversities should more consider
- in modifications ofmodifying the classifications of the students
- who enroll in school rather than their sex,
- what is more, everybody in every part ofeveryone in the world should beis entitled to
- received education i n a field
- that they are totally

There you have it View, practice more and write often, this will help you get better at this craft and I hope the modifications helped.


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