youngers should remain at school until they are 18
Many people argue that the youngers should remain at school until they are 18. Personally, I completely agree with this view.
For a various reasons, there are several positive effects that students should not drop out school early. Firstly, when teenagers graduate from high school, they could gain a wealth of knowledge and skills which help them to get higher qualification easily. As a result, people have more opportunities to get a well -paid job in the highly competitive job market. Secondly, in academic curriculum, besides core subjects, schools also offer subjects about social life and ethics, which play a vital role to the maturity of a person. These subjects will bring crucial skills as well as raise up the awareness which are good preparation for their career and life. For instance, a well-educated person is able to realize something that is right or wrong, this leads to a more productive and prosperous nation. Moreover, by the age of 18, both physical and mental health are completely developed. That is the age at which people can adapt themselves to tackle different circumtance.
In conclusion, for the reasons i have mentioned above, I strongly believe that this idea should be encouraged.My comment is not going to judge anything or check any mistakes of yours because you don't show me the prompt/question.
What i'm going to say here is the about the reasons you give in your essay.
Education is good,indeed, but not in most of the schools. This link youtube.com/watch?v=m6pWEzkbnDE is going to show you why all of your reasons are all bad and not specific ( yeah maybe some will agree with but this just my personal point ).
That was all for fun and discussion. Please don't take it seriously :)
@trannthkv2
Hi there!
Welcome to the forum. Let me assist you with this one.
The initial glimpse onto your essay tells me that you have the fundamental thoughts/ideas laid out that you want to establish in your content. What you struggle with is expressing these thoughts into comprehensive and academically-appropriate structures. This is alright; you only need to focus on working on the technical aspects of your writing to ensure that you optimize your writing. In the meantime, evade using cluttered and complex structures - and instead, you may put your attention more on creating depth and ensuring that you are abiding by conventional writing practices.
That being said, if I were to revise your essay, it would appear as:
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Best of luck in your writing!
