IELTS 'do everything by rules'; children learn to be good members of society

Topic: Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There are some good arguments in favour of teaching children to be good citizens in schools or by their parents. I believe that both of these approachs make major impacts on the development of a child.

The opinion of school is a better place for children to learn about the outdoor society is attractive for several reasons. Firstly, children in the early ages can access to an appropriate learning environment where restricted by school's rules that prevent them from bad habits. As a result, whenever a student come to school, they have to do everything by rules: they must not smoke, they must not fight each other, they should say hello to older people and so that they become more politely and obediently. Secondly, pedagogical qualifications also contribute an important part in educating a child. Obviously, teachers in schools have different methods which help them to educate students. Finally, it is clear that school is also small society and children, in school time, have large opportunities to accustomed to act in outdoor's life.

On the other hand, some people believe that the characteristic of children is affected by how their parents cope with difficulties or successes in life, that means parents should also take responsibilities for educating them. Children usually tend to see their parents as ideal models or examplaries. The fact is, because of close relationship between them, parents are the only ones who can be side by side with their own sons or daughters twenty four seven, so that everything they do or react can led to duplicate reactions by their children. No one are more suitable than parents in helping their own children deal with real-life situations.

In conclusion, while there are certainly arguments to be made for both sides, I strongly believe that, to be good members of society, children must learn not only from their parents but also from schools.

-- Im confused. Are you really trying to say that it is actually the "opinion" of the school ? Perhaps, it is your opinion for the school's factor.



-- This is too long. Make it into two sentence.

I think your essay is well-structured, clear and full of ideas but it lack of example

... This needs improvements. You should introduce your topic to the reader very clearly. Also, this is the opening of your essay and it should come with a punch as it's going to make the first impression about your writing. You can get lots of help from the prompt; all you've got to do is rephrase!

It is important that we teach our children how to be good members of society because its future lies in their hands. Some people hold the view that it is the parents' responsibility to make them more responsible citizens while some others believe that schools play a more important role in this regard than parents.

i think your writting is good enough. Its just a little bit confused in the introduction, but the mod corrected pretty good.

I think you should learn some basic grammars ~ it seems that you wanna write some long sentences, but your grammar is weak, so there are some mistakes, which give some bad impressions to the rater.