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It's evident that electronic devices influence the communication between societies when used wrongly

anita11 28 / 20 2  
Feb 28, 2016   #1
Q: The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people.
To what extent do you agree and disagree?

Nowadays, the advance of technology often influences communication and interaction among people. In fact, numerous people argue that electronic media, such as a television, computer and mobile phone, bring negative impact on the relationships. I personally agree with this statement since the relation of society is more and more disturbed when they use this device without controlling.

In fact, many people often forget their real family and friends when they use the information device. It is because this tool addicts them to leave their lives to still focus on the fictive activities on the screen of the television or computer. For instance, the mothers, who watch serial drama, waste their time only in front of television and bury their obligation to entrust their children. Consequently, they will lose their role as parents to educate their children. However, it is true that the use of technological device affects the communication among people who cannot control their selves.

In addition, using gadget, computer and hand phone, does not influence the interaction among human beings since they merely communicate with their family and relatives. To illustrate this, my father has good relation with his daughter though using computer every day as the journalist. It proves that this solitary impacts to several citizens, instead of all societies. I believe that the drawback occurs towards people who do not know the real function of electronic media to ease human's work.

To sum up, it is evident that electronic device influences the communication between societies when it is used worse. I think that everybody should take an advantage of the electronic effectively and smartly.

Wolf Larsen - / 127 47  
Feb 29, 2016   #2
Hello anita11

I think that the text will sound little better if some of the contained sentences are reformulated in the following manner:

1. The ongoing technological progress influences communication and interaction among people to an ever greater extent. 2. In fact, some individuals argue that... 3. I personally agree with this point of view, because there are indeed a number of indications that one's obsession with hi-tech gadgets is detrimental to the concerned person's ability to lead a socially integrated lifestyle. 4. The reason for this is that people's preoccupation with modern technology often causes them to choose in favor of living in the virtual reality. 5. Consequently, the concerned individuals grow increasingly incapable of taking care of their social responsibilities.

The rest of the text is Ok, but you could you use paying little more attention to the semantic connotations of some of the used words. For example, the phrase 'In addition, using gadget, computer and hand phone' isn't very refined, because computers and hand phones are also 'gadgets'. Other than that, your text does make a good argumentative point. Regards.

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