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It is evident that the parents and teachers have an essential key to manage the children's lifestyle


anita11 28 / 20 2  
Feb 23, 2016   #1
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Q: Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

In this globalization era, the young generation has to face the unhealthy lifestyle. In this case, the parents and teachers have a responsibility to maintain their children's lives. I personally agree with this argument and this essay will explain why the parents and teachers have an important role to keep the young generation's health.

The parents and the teachers are of an authority to educate the children about the healthy lifestyle. It is because they spend much time with the children, in the house and the school. To illustrate this, the parents can prepare the healthy food and try to habituate some exercises to the children in home and it can also be applied by schools by providing healthy canteen without fast food as well as socialization about healthy lifestyle. Finally, children can understand how crucial this matter. I think that the parents and teachers' role improve the children habits.

On the other hand, the wider societies, government, mass media, and surrounding have to support the children's good lifestyle by providing better environment. The reason why this should be done is the children can easily imitate the worse behavior from their environment though their family and school have educated the healthy lifestyle. For instance, the consumption of massive fast food can make the children want to follow it. Consequently, the pattern which has been thought parents and teachers becomes useless.

To sum up, it is evident that the parents and teachers have an essential key to manage the children's lifestyle. In my opinion, good environment should also support their roles as the good role model about healthy lives.

justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Feb 23, 2016   #2
Anita, after reading and understanding your essay, I believe you were able to point out a very good argument.
In an argument, you always have two sides of ideas, one that is gearing towards the positive effects of the topic
or issue at hand and the other one is the negative one that contradicts the facts of the subject.

Moreover, I like the fact that you created a simultaneous order of the idea that you presented in the argument.
You made sure that the opinion that you have are separated by the order of the idea, at the same time, you
were able to link the idea together at the end of the essay.

Now, for future reference, try to widen your net on the topic at hand, this way you will be able
to set a higher grid for your writing pieces. It will also help if you review the language rules before writing,
this helps avoid minor as much as major strikes in your essay.
mita23 34 / 37 3  
Feb 26, 2016   #3
Hy Anita. the flow of your writing is good, yet I have some suggestions for your writing.

you need to consider your grammatical accuracy.
a. The parents and the teachers are ofhave an authority to educate ...
b. Finally, children can understand how crucial this matter is
one conjunction has two verbs
c. I think that the parents'(your sentence is lack of this (') as sign of possession) and teachers' role improve the children habits.

thank you


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