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IELTS examination; Adults and adolescents have many differences


Nigora 1 / 1  
Oct 31, 2012   #1
theme: Apart from chronological age, what are some major differences between an adolescent and adult? Explain.

Essay:
Adults and adolescents have many differences due to the different ages. Adults are usually more responsible, serious and experienced in life, while adolescents are often rebellious, irresponsible and not experienced.

One of the main characteristics of adults is the responsibility. People of older ages usually contemplate all the steps and decisions they are going to take and consider all the consequences that might occur as a result. In contrast, adults usually prefer to act spontaneously and immediately, without thinking about the outcome. This cause many mistakes that young people do and can be beneficial if they learn from their mistakes, because it can help them to progress and become better.

The next major difference between young people and adults is experience and knowledge. It is obvious that people who lived more have more life experience nad gained knowledge as they had more time for that. As becoming older, people face many problems and life situations, make decisions and solutions, learn from mistakes, learn how to cope with different people and certain situations, how to avoid some negative circumstances, realize what is wrong and what is right. Also during life they become wiser and more intelligent, while studying and then working. Adolescents , on the other hand, do not have so much experience and knowledge due to the less time they have to digest all the information and go through the certain situations.

In addition, younger people are usually more free of obligations and therefore not serious. Adolescents usually have parents or custodies who care about them and support them both materially and morally. This support makes them less serious and less responsible for their actions. Adults, however, have no custody and therefore have to be more determined and obliged.

To sum up, comparing to adolescents, adults are more responsible, experienced and serious.

hvthoteen 16 / 44 4  
Nov 1, 2012   #2
i think the way you state the problem is a little bit confusing
this maybe better: the major differences among an adult and an adolescent are about their responsibily, seriousness and experience in life.
Also, the first and last paragraphs should not be so short
You also make some basic grammar mistakes
This is my view
layla88 3 / 16  
Nov 1, 2012   #3
Dear Nigora,
In my opinion there are some problems with your essay organization. In the Introduction you first discussed about adults and then about adolescents. In the rest of paragraphs you should also use this order, while in paragraph 4 you have changed the order.

I have read in one website that the body paragraphs is more important than the conclusion paragraph, but it would be promising to put time for a bit longer conclusion.

make decisions and solutions,

I am not sure whether we can use make with solution
best regards
xzzx 1 / 3  
Nov 1, 2012   #4
responsible, experienced and serious

maybe try to paraphrase these, just like what you did with "not serious" (to "rebellious")
OP Nigora 1 / 1  
Nov 2, 2012   #5
thank you very much for pointing some of my mistakes! I will correct all of them.


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