Hamed, why are you opening your introductory statement with an argument? You have not presented any introduction to the topic nor thesis statement yet. Never use however to open a paragraph unless you have presented an opposing point of view previously. You need to restructure this paragraph.
Increased amount of greenhouse gases (...) for human beings- As a result, the development of this technology has brought along serious problems for the environment.
in the earth. By this , theThe weather has been warmer and many ice s ha ves been melted recently. As a result, arrival this technology ... However, cars make easier for translation, but traffic in big cities ... .
- This paragraph requires a number of corrections. You used However properly in this instance. You have repetitive information in the paragraph that I feel you need to replace with other information in order to make a solid argument.
- However, while cars make transportation easier, it has also caused severe traffic in big cities. Noise pollution coming from the car horns and exhaust pipes also create a nuisance that people have to put up with.
Accidents are another problem of automobiles. Every year ...
- This is a weak use of accidents in an argument. Unless you can provide statistics to prove your claim, you are making unfounded accusations. Add more information to this paragraph to make it valid.Your conclusion is a mess. You should never conclude with a question. Just summarize the content and restate your thesis.