Some people think that excessive use of mobile phones and computers badly affects writing and reading skills. Do you agree or disagree with the statement. Give your opinion.
Today's technological advances in information technology have many impacts in the budding society. While many are in favor of positive impacts such as improved intelligent quotient and connecting people, others indicate the negative impacts of overuse of these devices on creative skills on students. In my opinion, this is a normal effect of the current revolutionary technological era that we live in.
There are multifarious reasons in which these modern devices aid today's generation, teenagers in particular.
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Hello there, this is overall a great writing. Almost perfect structure with a little adjustment. Mostly vocab are good because you try to minimize repetition. But some words are sound itchy, too high vocab and not commonly in use e.g. 'multifarious' which can be replaced with just 'several'.
Little grammar mistake and over-complicated sentence that can be simplify. Overall, it is still a great argument, representing both point of view. Also a perfect conclusion. Please find here some suggestion and adjustment.
Today's technological advances in information technologyToday's advanced information technologyhave has many impacts in the buddingcontemporary society. While many are in favor offavor (parallel structure with 'indicate') positive impacts such as improved intelligent quotient (never seen in use) and connecting people, others indicate the negative impacts of overuse of these devices (what devices? give examples)on creative skillson creativity of students. In my opinion, this is a normal effect of the current revolutionary technological era that we are living in.
There are multifarious reasons in which these modern devices aid today's generation, teenagers in particular.There are several reasons why modern technology aids current generation, particularly teenager. (Try using simple words and sentence) Firstly, reading tasks have become much easier with the unique(how is it unique?) invention of internet, which brings all the global information to the study desk. There are various internet search engines enable the information gathering much quicker for the juveniles, instead of wasting their time in travelling to the library and searching for books shelf by shelf. Secondly, a lot of young students improve their writing skills by learning through forums such as Writer's Bug, Essay Forum or maintain (think of other words) individual web blog to express their views and ideas. Many youngsters maintain their own web-blog to expressimprove their creative writing skills (or express their creativities) (you cannot express a creative writing skill but can improve) . This phenomenon clearly illustrates a shift in normal humanitarianhuman development in the expression of creativity skills in a different medium other than pen and paper. (humanitarian means something like helping a refugee)
The last 2 parts have no error. But the above paragraph can be separated for clear and well-structured message. Remember to use 1 paragraph for one point. First, second, third, on different paragraph as shown below.
Today's advanced information technology has many impacts in the budding society. While many favor positive impacts such as improved intelligent quotient and connecting people, others indicate the negative impacts of overuse of these devices on creativities of students. In my opinion, this is a normal effect of the current revolutionary technological era that we are living in. There are several reasons why modern technology aids current generation, particularly teenager.
Firstly, reading tasks have become much easier with the unique invention of internet, which brings all the global information to the study desk. There are various internet search engines enable the information gathering much quicker for the juveniles, instead of wasting their time in travelling to the library and searching for books shelf by shelf.
Secondly, a lot of young students improve their writing skills by learning through forums such as Writer's Bug, Essay Forum or maintain individual web blog to express their views and ideas. Many youngsters maintain their own web-blog to express their creativities. This phenomenon clearly illustrates a shift in normal human development in the expression of creativity skills in a different medium other than pen and paper.
Nevertheless, overuse of modern technology takes its own toll on youngsters both in personal and social levels. From the personal level, it affects not only the health of the individuals, but also their learning ability. For instance, young pupils solely depend on the auto correction software for correcting their spelling and grammar lessons. Many young graduates show poor vocabulary skills and retaining ability because of their overt indulgence in sending messages in short abbreviations, slangs, codes and negligence of traditional cursive writing forms and methods during their school. On social level, excessive utilization of electronic devices leads to the 'dependence syndrome' in youth which greatly impairs creativity, independent social behavior and decision making ability of adolescents.
To conclude, in my opinion, the benefits outweigh its drawbacks. If we continue to encourage the younger generation to use both traditional and modern ways of learning in balance, it will prove to be beneficial for both the individuals and society.
Now it shows a good structure.
Intro - What I think - Technologies are good
Point 1 - why is it good
Point 2 - why is it good
Rebuttal - But there is some drawbacks and why my argument still valid.
Conclusion - Here is how to overcome the drawbacks. Balance the usage.
Great writing. Hope this helps.
Pann
Thank you so much for your corrections and valuable suggestions!! Since IELTS is looking for some high end vocabulary, i have incorporated them wherever it is feasible. Kindly suggest ways to improve the vocabulary too... Once again, thank you so much your help...
Hi Vidya,
It is my pleasure to help. Most of the time, reading through good textbooks that you are interested in would help in vocab and structure. And when writing, find the good synonym from thesaurus sites, look through the examples, and try applied it in a proper way would also expand your vocab. But no need to find the high end ones only what you see fit. You will find good books using simple words but deliver the message clearly. That's the most important. Reading, writing, thinking, planning, and after a while, it will be instinctively incorporated in your writing.
Warm regards,
Pann
